Hump Days: Diddlin’ Diddy
About four times a year, I meet a friend from high school for dinner and we share the most inappropriately crude and intimate details of our sex lives from the following season with zero regard for the families sitting around us. Occasionally, we also discuss Steinbeck or, more likely, people who have used Facebook to broadcast their social...
Hump Days: Living Together–A Mad Science
I have to assume that when my boyfriend asked me to live with him four months ago, he had no idea that his Memorial Day would include him discovering a three-month old banana behind my apartment refrigerator, and then his saying with an audible note of disgust, “There’s a banana back here.” Then understandable disbelief when I...
Hump Days: Gettin’ Hitched in Sin City
I think the kind of people who say “Vegas Baby” are the same kind of people who quote The Hangover, so I’m not going to lower myself to that, but I will say that while you read this from your PC under a neon light, I’m probably having my 9 a.m. Bloody Mary somewhere near...
Hump Days: Cat lovers & dog lovers – a question of coexistence
Match.com emails you profiles of men with these ridiculous tag lines that impart information of the utmost importance, such as ”Just like you, he gets haircuts!” or “Just like you, he owns a couch!” Except, the two examples I just gave you are true in that I do get haircuts and I do own a couch, whereas the ones they used...
Hump Days: You Need Your Radiohead Time
The majority of my day is spent with my eyes rolled halfway into the back of my head dismissing people for trivial shortcomings like wearing Birkenstocks or thinking Dave Matthews still makes good music, while wondering why the world can’t be more like me? So, it is sufficed to say that when I like something, I really,...
Hump Days: It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken
It would not be false to say that many of my lunch hours last Spring were spent at the downtown Barnes & Noble reading a book that may or may not be titled, It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken. And something else that may or may not be equally true is that I got...
Hump Days: Makin’ time for makin’ time
Sunday, May 8, marks the beginning of the second annual 7-Day Sex Challenge (for people who need a 7-Day Sex Challenge). Introduced by a Texas pastor last year, the idea was to take a break from eating fried foods and starting conversations, “Y’all, my cousin’s butt looks real nice in those jeans” a whole bunch, to force yourself on...
Hump Days: Walgreens All Abuzz
You know what’s awesome? Vibrators. You know what’s not? Shopping for them. Every once in a while, my shopping trip to Target off Colorado Boulevard ends with me staring at the enormous purple Fascinations sign, alternately contemplating two scenarios. The first involves the joy of bringing home a brand new vibrator and the second involves me...
Hump Days: Aces
This post isn’t actually about Prince Harry, but I would like to note that he may or may not be my dream man. First things first, he’s a red-head AND he’s attractive. I think we all know that doesn’t happen every day. Secondly, he seems like a not that bright, womanizing, a-hole that would forget...
Hump Days: Too Good for Online Dating
You know who you are. You make a weird, uncomfortable face every time someone suggests that online dating might be preferable to a lonely night on your couch with some Bravo reality tv and your vibrator, and that weird face simply means, I’m above filling out an online profile about myself in an effort to...
Hump Days: It’s not pseudoscience if it’s Japanese.
“When you take a break from your busy day of looking up Japanese blood types, you should do some research on Barnum statements.” A lesbian informs me via GChat on Tuesday. “I can’t help it if you are an independent thinker and like to research claims on your own.” I retort, already familiar with the...
Hump Days: Under My Thumb
Hello Wednesday. Last week, I promised you an article about hate sex and bad men- and I plan on delivering, but it’s worth noting that the adorable angel I refer to as my boyfriend gave his mother maybe just enough info to find this column and nothing makes writing sex and all things sex easier than...
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