Sunday, May 8, marks the beginning of the second annual 7-Day Sex Challenge (for people who need a 7-Day Sex Challenge). Introduced by a Texas pastor last year, the idea was to take a break from eating fried foods and starting conversations, “Y’all, my cousin’s butt looks real nice in those jeans” a whole bunch, to force yourself on your tired wife and make some more Texans.
Actually, I don’t know about that. I might have just made that last part up, but- to be honest, neither this article, nor this article have made it completely clear why you should be having sex for seven straight days and/or why the so-called benefits come about. I guess the theory is that married couples WITH KIDS have certain time constraints that lead to certain intimacy constraints that lead to the employment of an unfortunately good-looking nineteen year old nanny that leads to marital epic failure. And so, by this logic, one way to avoid giving your kids a hot stepmom is to have sex with your husband for seven straight nights. Practitioners have reported it works, but the only explanation I’ve read thus far is that akin to faking a smile and feeling happy, faking intimacy will make you feel intimate.
Sounds awesome, doesn’t it? What could be sexier than telling your clitoris to fake a smile and get back into this failed marriage already? I like the idea that you could try some different positions or role-playing or whatever, but commanding yourself to put out for seven straight nights (sans any level of spontaneity) sounds like a chore. A vaginal chore.
Since we are on the topic of studies supported by little to no factual evidence, this Psychology Today article reports that marijuana might improve your sex life A LOT. Maybe even more than vaginal chores will. According to this follow-up to that article, 67% of respondents thought marijuana enhanced their sexual pleasure dramatically and then proceeded to describe it in the grossest way possible: “Marijuana engulfs me in sex foam” and “[after marijuana] my vagina become[s] wet to the point that I can feel it through my pants and my man knows he is in for a LONG night.”
Look, no one argued that marijuana makes you smarter, just sexier. Sexier like a babysitter in a pair of jean shorts or something.