Connie Chronnoisseur: The Clinic

…I made my way down Colfax, the familiar, pungent smells of Denver’s favorite tract of hobos, hipsters and hookah bars wafting faintly on the breeze. I was out of medicine and, not wanting to drive far, was willing to succumb to the outdated cliché of a Colfax score…

I still grin like a kid in Wonkaland when I lay eyes on a bud bar. Yet, as dispensaries go, there are the good, the bad, and every shade of green in between. There are those that sell amateurish product resembling something grown in your 8th-grade cousin’s closet, and others who vend bud that assuredly needs to be in a hall of fame. It’s an adventure, for sure. As 303’s MMJ dispensary blogger, I’ll be seeking out and reporting on the best our city has to offer. I hope to become your trusted source in separating the kind from the shake.  -CC

The Clinic Colfax
The Clinic recently celebrated the one-year anniversary of their Colfax location

It was an odd, somewhat eerily-lit morning. The sun was making a meager attempt to peek through orange-tinged clouds as I made my way down Colfax, the familiar, pungent smells of Denver’s favorite tract of hobos, hipsters and hookah bars wafting faintly on the breeze. Normally I avoid Colfax with similar diligence that Charlie Sheen applies to avoiding sobriety, but I was out of medicine and didn’t want to venture too far from home. Impressed with the gorgeous buds I peeped on The Clinic’s website, I powered through my hesitations and approached the large house-turned-dispensary. The smoke must go on, right?

All my Colfax-stereotyping notions disappeared the moment I stepped onto The Clinic’s front porch. A neat row of chairs, each staffed with a clipboard and paperwork, filled the cozy, sun-warmed room. A security door segued patients into a large waiting room filled with overstuffed chairs, reading material and a gigantic flat-screen TV, tuned to a sports channel. It was less like a dispensary and more like the living room of a friend whose home is perpetually filled with delicious, sweet aromas and ridiculously nice and helpful people.

Holly waiting room
The waiting room at The Clinic's Holly locale is chic and comfortable

The Clinic’s Colfax dispensary, along with their Glendale/Cherry Creek location (discretely nestled into a corner of a strip mall at Florida and Holly,) is painted and lit with the seemingly-requisite shade of Dispensary Green shared by all who hang the green cross over their door. Both locations boast a large bud bar, filled with clearly-labeled jars detailing the classification of every strain in stock, as well as selections from The Clinic’s rotating 12-15 varieties of bubble and butane hash. A cooler packed with house-made edibles – mainstays such as brownies, as well as interesting treats such as Chex mix, oyster crackers and a magical mystery snack called “puppy chow”  – sits at the end of the bar. The Clinic earns bonus points for the helpful extra touch of placing strain labels on each edible.

My Colfax budtender eagerly pulled out jars on request, allowing me a closer inspection of each varietal. She did, however, seem confused when I asked her questions on the high that each would produce, and was not able to recommend anything specific for my particular ailment. (Perhaps she was new, or just having an off day?) However, the budtender I observed at the Holly location was incredible. While assisting a patient with customized treatment, he was explaining the science and medicinal breakdown in each strain – information gathered from the Full Spectrum Lab testing each item at The Clinic undergoes.

So far, so good. But for this gal, the proof is in the trichomes … and, I’m thrilled to report that I was not disappointed. Every strain I sampled was clearly tended to with love, perfectly cured and downright delicious. In fact, several could serve as the How To Trim Your Bud Correctly poster weed. Is there such a thing as special occasion smoke? Because there should be, and it should come from The Clinic.


Hello, gorgeous.
The Clinic offers a sampler pack for your smoking varietal needs. My choices, from L to R: Super Lemon Haze, Agent Orange, Headband, XXX Diesel, Kushage, Banana Kush and Grape God Bud.

Get your God on. The Clinic’s Grape God Bud is the 2010 Colorado Caregiver’s Cup winner for good reason. I can honestly say it’s the best damn thing I’ve put a lighter to in years. A delicious Indica-heavy hybrid of Grapefruit and BC God Bud, this gorgeous beast emits a sweet, almost fruity aroma when broken, with a smoke that’s smooth and clean, carrying a definite citrus tinge. A very ethereal high, it had me absolutely sedentary (and thrilled to be so) for the better part of a morning … and I swear I heard a Hallelujah chorus when I was smoking it.

Band your head. I’ve had Headband from a few other dispensaries in the area, and The Clinic’s wins hands down. A Sativa-heavy mix of OG Kush and Master Kush, it produces a delightful cerebral high that left me warm, fuzzy, and feeling no pain, yet I was still able to function and get things done. This is crucial for me; it’s not easy to write when I’m couch-locked in deep contemplation over if c-a-t spells dog. The taste is very earthy and spicy, with a bit of pine and citrus. Make sure you have plenty of incense on hand if you need to mask smells. This herb is super pungent.

Fruit loops. Also of note are the Agent Orange (delicious, citrusy but not in an overpowering manner, with a gleeful, mellow and cerebral high) and the Super Lemon Haze, which left me happily stoned yet also really focused and rambunctious – a fact that Mr. Chronnoisseur gives a thumbs up. Wink. Nudge.

The Clinic has been in operation for about 15 months. Up-to-date menus of their rotating stock for both locations can be found on their website. Future expansion plans include at least one more storefront and a bakery. They do not currently offer massage and other patient amenities.

The Clinic on Colfax: 4625 E. Colfax Ave. 303.333.3644
The Clinic on Holly
: 1479 S Holly St. 303.758.9114
Hours: 7 Days A Week, 11 a.m. to 7 p.m.
: $45 per 1/8th across the board. Edibles: $5-16. Concentrates: $25-35 per 1/2 gram

1 comment
  1. i have large amounts of thc built up in my blood anyway how would they be able to determine when it got there or would i just never be able to drive again????? ohhhh nooooooo

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