By now, I figure you have all seen the Prancercise video that has quickly become an Internet sensation demonstrating the awesomely bad fitness regimen created by Joanna Rohrback. In the video Rohrback shows how to do the Prancercise routine, which is walking with a gait similar to that of a horse prancing. After seeing this I just want to kick myself. Why. Did. I. Not. Think. Of. This. Because of this, I have been doing some thinking and have come up with my own quirky ways to get fit.
Creep-Avoidilates
Description: You know the creepy guy at your apartment that is always conveniently out walking his dog at the same time you are and if eye contact is made you will be caught making small talk that makes you want to throw acid on your face? Learn fat burning moves to avoid those awkward neighbors. Beginners can enjoy learning techniques such as hiding behind trees, the “I was only walking this far on purpose then turning around (advanced students may refer to this as the “whoops, I forgot something inside”), and of course the fake phone call/oblivious texter.
Rapid Car Cleanercise
Description: Ever offer to drive your friends somewhere only to realize that your car is littered with past fast food mistakes and regrets? Open your car door and wrappers come fluttering out like white doves in a magic act? Learn this intermediate fitness routine of putting wrappers, bags, etc., into other bags, dumping water bottles and coffee out in the grass before consolidating containers, then searching for a gas station trash can to dump everything in before your friends see what a gross person you really are.
Release the Houndzumba
Description: Want to change up your workout and get your adrenaline pumping? Have a dog that isn’t very well trained? Open up your front door and see what happens! Burn more calories the more you panic and experience the best cardio of your life chasing after that darn dog.
Recovering from Embarassing Tripsoga
Description: Feel the burn (and embarrassment) from tripping up or down the stairs and acting like you totally meant to do it. Act like you were just skipping a few stairs because you can’t waste time on each step individually. When trip walking across a restaurant floor in front of everyone, turn it into a Monty Python’s Ministry of Silly Walks routine and it’ll be impossible to be made fun of. Tripping outside on the sidewalk, turn it into a cool air guitar routine.
Selective Hearingaerobics
Description: On a long phone conversation that just won’t end? Listening to your mom tell you a boring story about how someone moved then moved back and now they are working here and blah blah blah? Focus your energy on doing isometrics that makes it look like you are shaking your head acknowledging what the person is saying, but be sure to take a break if a question is asked and then get right back to only hearing the important parts while getting in shape.
The Dive Bar Method
Description: Tired of the same ol’ boring going out routine? Shake it up a bit, and by shake it up, I mean look up some local dive bars, write their names on paper, and thrown them into a hat and shake it up. Draw one out and make it a weekly exercise routine to travel to a new and exiting dive bar each week. Have too much fun at the first one? Walk or run (or stumble) to the next one and get your cardio in to work off those dive bar calories.