I’ve done my own unscientific research, taken a few polls, and have an opinion based on my own personal experience and that of the variety of women I’ve spoken with over the years. The short answer, and one that could apply to both men and women who stray from their relationship, might be that their needs are not being met. But for women, I think it is specifically and primarily because they are not getting the appreciation, respect, attention and feedback that makes them feel desirable, special, and sexy. As we get more settled into our relationship and everyday life gets in the way, it’s easy to think that your woman should know how you feel about her or you wouldn’t have committed in the first place. But just as men are visual creatures, women are auditory. They will remember what you say, and they will make assumptions based on what you don’t say.
When a man is pursuing a woman, she feels desired, which in turn makes her feel sexy. Come on guys, you know what you do when you’re in pursuit. You let her know with your words and your actions how beautiful, hot, and sexy you think she is, and how much she turns you on. But when she’s been caught, so to speak, she still wants to hear it. I would bet that in most marriages where men complain that their wife is no longer interested in sex, or doesn’t do anything to visually stimulate them, there is also a lack of verbal appreciation and negligence on their part. A woman does not want to have to compete with your job, or your golf game, or your poker buddies, or whatever your mistress might be. Any reasonably intelligent, mature, grown-up woman understands that you both need some independence and will respect what you do for a living, but she never wants to feel like she’s at the bottom of your list. And once she starts feeling like chopped liver at home, you can bet there will be plenty of men out in the world who will see her as the juicy tenderloin she is and be ready to tell her so. And this is where the problem comes in.
The truth is, even though statistics show that men stray from monogamy more than women do, it also proves that women have a lot more opportunity. A willing male participant in the pursuit of extramarital sex is always more readily available than a female one. Sometimes a man’s insecurities about himself may keep him from complimenting his woman for fear that she may begin to believe that she can and should have more. In fact it is just the opposite. Withholding your feelings about your woman’s desirability may be the nail in the coffin that pushes her into the arms of another man. Being suspicious, jealous, and possessive is another way to push her away. Often times, those who do not trust their lover are those who cannot trust themselves. If she knows or suspects that you are having an affair, it will be that much easier to justify the opportunity if it presents itself to her.
So what do you do if you suspect that the woman you love is cheating on you? Do you REALLY want to know? That’s a personal choice. Some men can never get over the hurt of infidelity. I think for men, emotional infidelity is easier to accept than sexual infidelity. For a woman it’s the opposite. If her man has strayed, she wants to hear that it was ‘only sex’ and nothing else. If a man thinks his woman is cheating because he is not meeting her sexual needs, it may be more of a blow to his ego than he can bear. But if he realizes that she’s become intimate with someone else because of his own emotional unavailability or lack of attention, he may eventually be able to get past it, step up his game, and fight for the woman he loves. A good way to turn the ship around is to show her that you care enough to forgive her, and make an effort at winning her back.
Most men don’t want to hear this, but long-term relationships take work. Women are nurturers by nature. A woman with integrity who truly loves her man will make an effort to keep the romance alive and will reach out to him when she feels unhappy. But if it’s not reciprocated, recognized, and appreciated, she will eventually get tired of doing all the work and she’ll head for greener pastures.
How can you keep your woman from cheating? Pay attention to what she says, never take what you have for granted, and always remember those things that brought the two of you together in the first place – and most importantly, communicate! Rather than being critical or sarcastic about what is lacking in your love life, focus on the positive and express your appreciation for her assets and what is good about your relationship. Tell her she’s hot and sexy. Let her know she turns you on. If you can’t say it with words, express it with your actions. And if you are someone who knows how to say the words, be sure to back it up with your behavior.
Look at it this way, if you don’t maintain your car, after awhile it’s not going to take you where you want to go. Your relationship is no different. Your car won’t leave you, it will sit in the driveway and take the abuse, but if you’re not meeting your lover’s needs, someone else will.
There are no guarantees in life. It’s all a big crap shoot. Even if you’ve experienced betrayal before, don’t become cynical, mistrusting, and suspicious, convinced that all women are out to break your heart. Remember, it takes two to make a relationship and two to break a relationship. Get back in the game, and give it all you’ve got. Learn from the experience and think about how you can avoid the same outcome by changing your own behavior. After all, all we ever have control over is our perspective and our own actions.
Click here for part 1 of the article.