Help! (I Need Somebody)

I rolled out my mat tonight and these were some of the first words said: “One of the great things about yoga is that, yes, it is a group thing, and that community is so special, but it is also an individual thing.” I’ve just paraphrased and the instructor went on to talk about leading your own class, listening to your own body, but my mind immediately took this message in a bit of a different direction. One that is so applicable to me at this very, exact moment. At this very, exact second, in fact.

Know when to ask for help. You are not alone. No one is. You just have to know when to ask for help. And you have to know when to accept it if it is offered to you.

I am neck deep in this struggle right now. In every aspect of my life. At work, in friendships, in my relationship, in finances—an area of the ROOT CHAKRA, red, the foundation of the body, mentally and physically, and connected to the areas of personal survival, i.e., food, shelter, money. Tree pose helps open this chakra—in completing chores, you name it. Even in taking a vacation! Who needs help with taking a vacation? Well, I do, currently. I’m fighting the absolute, absolute, absolute need to ask for help. So here’s my cry.

We all know that when we ask for help there are typically two responses. Either yes, I will help you or no, I will not. Or cannot. There are variations: not now, but I can in two weeks or I’ll try my best, but I can’t promise anything or sure, I could really use a hand too, if you don’t mind? So why does asking for help make me feel so vulnerable? I considered this quite a bit over the last week and particularly in yoga class tonight when I thought about the community around me, my support system: my family, my friends, my loved ones, my coworkers, my people. What it is for me, like for most others, is the fear of admitting failure. The fear of admitting that I am not good at something. That I can’t do it all. That I struggle a lot more than I let on.

What I have found, over and over again, is that my people are willing to help me if I just ask. Or if I accept it when they offer. Take today at work, I really needed help. I had two EOD deadlines and it’s pretty darn tricky to be in two places at once. I started to feel myself growing stressed, a little passive aggressive even, a little choked up—my THROAT CHAKRA, blue, connected to communicating with oneself and with others, constricted. Inverted yoga postures help clear this chakra—until I was like, whose fault is this, Aubrey, this anxiety you’re feeling, this stiffness in your chest and throat? Just ask for help! So I did, and it was easy and it was all over before I knew it.

Tonight in yoga, there was one time I could have asked for help. And the words were on the tip of my tongue. In Pincha-Mayurasana FOREARM-BALANCE POSE, I’ve talked about it before and I’ve been putting more effort into feeling it lately. A year ago, I basically could have cared less about FOREARM-BALANCE because it seemed so far out of my reach. Back to tonight, the instructor was standing right beside my mat, gently coaxing us into the pose, and I lifted my right leg into the air and then my left, but honestly didn’t get very far till they were both back on solid ground. I looked up from my mat and was about to ask for support, for a spot, and I just paused. I didn’t say the words. I envisioned myself gently pulling my body into FOREARM-BALANCE POSE against the mirror, what it would feel like to have that support at my heels, and I quickly moved into the pose again. Not much better this time. I tried once more, raised my right leg more slowly, brought my left midway to an inverted tree pose, let out a breathe, embraced the pose for just a moment and promptly fell back down to my mat. I’m pretty sure I talked myself into lowering my legs clumsily to the mat…looks like my throat has more say than my roots do.