Gag reflex gift?

Christmas sucks balls–and I ain’t no Scrooge. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, but there a number of things I hate about the holiday. Cutting down trees, for example. As if we don’t clearcut enough forests during the year (industrial hemp could change this). Sure, fake trees are an alternative, but petroleum-based plastics aren’t really a viable alternative in my book. Gift giving en masse is another aspect I’m not fond of. In my opinion, gifts should be random and spontaneous and meaningful. One shouldn’t feel obligated to get people crap they don’t need just because everybody’s doing it. Then there’s Santa. Obesity is an epidemic in this country. Santa isn’t exactly the best role model. I could go on, but instead I’ll propose a variation that’s right up my alley.


Lonely Island, the comedy songwriting team behind “Dick in a Box”, may not have invented Sexmas (or even used the term in their lyrics), but I credit them with first popularizing the concept. According to Google, the holiday has been celebrated by swingers for years, then became a hotly debated subject in Scotland recently when the government published a safe sex brochure called Sexmas Survival Guide. What if the man arriving at midnight on Christmas Eve was a booty call? What if he came bearing sex toys? What if you unwrapped a condom instead of presents? What if mistletoe hung from your belly button ring?

Here’s a few tunes to put you in the Sexmas mood:

Comment below to contribute your own “foreplaylist” suggestions;)