Yes, it happened. I met my girlfriend’s mother. She unexpectedly descended into town this past week, only about two weeks after my own mother visited. When Kailey invited me to brunch and offered to pick me up, I nervously stepped outside to their waiting car, since I figured it would all be decided–whether her mom liked me or not–in that first moment. But right away I heard a sweet, Southern voice drift through the passenger window, “I sure have been looking forward to meeting you.” Well, that was a helluva fine start. Now I just needed to not embarrass myself or unwittingly drop the f-bomb.

At brunch I made sure to stick to safe subjects, like work and pets and “please pass the ketchup.” When Kailey excused herself for the bathroom, I made sure to tell her mother all the qualities I really liked about Kailey. And when Kailey’s mom excused herself for the bathroom, I made sure to pick up the check. But the thing was, even though I was on my best behavior, I genuinely enjoyed myself. She was a sweet lady and it was easy to talk to her. And how could I not like her? She was the reason my girlfriend existed in the first place.

We ended up hanging out several more times before she left town. And as we all got more comfortable around each other, I let one f-bomb drop (although used in an appropriate context, I still apologized profusely afterward). I even spent the night at Kailey’s house, as I normally would. The next morning, as I got ready for work and stepped out of the shower, I felt particularly good about how the week had gone.

Just as I dropped my towel to get dressed, the bathroom door flew open. And there stood Kailey’s mom in her nightgown and me in my birthday suit looking at each other in shock. Her mom closed the door as fast as she had opened it, uttering apologies. I just stood there naked thinking, well, I guess she pretty much knows everything (and more) you can know about your daughter’s girlfriend after visiting for one week. And that’s cool with me, because now I don’t have a thing left to hide–f**k yeah.