It’s the eye of the tiger right now. And, if I’m rising up to the challenge of my rival, my rival is me.
I’m working out at Shape Plus with personal trainer Jess Hogue, and I’m officially in the double digits of weight loss. Hallelujah!
I’ve been very lucky this go ’round (as opposed to times in my past when I’ve tried and failed to get to a place where I’m comfortable in my body)–I want it, I’m at peace with the food part/not drinking part, and I’m 23 for 23 of cardio every day. I’m not fighting myself in these arenas any longer. But, it’s woman vs. woman now–Laura vs. Laura.
As an editor, you can probably imagine that I’m somewhat of a perfectionist. I try not to take it to an insane level, and I’m fully aware that I’m not actually perfect. But, when I put my mind to something, I want to do it right. I want my teacher, trainer, boss, colleagues, friends and family to be proud of me. More than proud–impressed. So, part of me wonders if my success comes from feeling accountable to Jess (I know that I’m not really answering to him–he’s providing me with the tools to answer to myself, and it’s not his life, after all. If I mess up, he’s there to suggest, guide and tweak, but it’s not like he’s going to disown me. This is on me.).
But, the newness of this process is wearing off now, not that I’ve lost any enthusiasm for it or feel myself wanting to quit or cheat. It’s getting down to the mental stamina part. When I find myself alone on the treadmill, jamming it out, sometimes I want to go easy even though I could push harder. As a logical person, this makes no sense to me. Why would I want to cheat myself? It’s just 30 minutes–what can I not endure for 30 minutes? Why not just hammer it out as hard as I can every time? Of course, after Jess works our legs, sometimes I’m sore and stiff and can barely walk. So, walking on an incline for 30 minutes is certainly acceptable–my body is delegating that. But, the other times, I’m just conning myself. When Jess says 50 more crunches, am I breaking 20 crunches in because I can’t do any more or because I’m just allowing myself to break? So, that’s where I’m focusing now. Don’t fight against the exercise–I need to fight for it. I need to go until my body decides it’s time to stop–not my mind, not my old habits, not the old, weaker me. Because, this new girl, she’s going to take that other one down.
As always, Jess has words of encouragement: “Now is the time people find out that it’s not going to happen over night! ‘Wow! I’ve been successful, but damn it, I’m not done, yet?’ You start feeling like, ‘Hey, I can take a day off. Then, two, then six months! I can have that slice of pizza that I’ve “earned” or, a couple more beers won’t hurt.’ But, that’s just the mindset you had all the other times and didn’t succeed. Stay out of that trap! You have to stay with this long enough for it to become a habit. You have to stay on top of your game to accomplish the goals you started out with! Now is the time to remind yourself why you started doing this in the first place! So, smack yourself on the ass and tell yourself, ‘Good job.’ Then, put on your workout clothes and go work out!”
See, I told you he only speaks in exclamation points–but, his words are truly motivating, even for someone who has banned the use of that particular punctuation mark in 303. These are the words I need to think about when I want to quit just to quit. I’ve done a fabulous job so far, but I ain’t earned nothin’ yet (except, new pants, which I’m purchasing this weekend).
Click here to learn more about where I’m working out.