As you’re hopefully aware at this point, I’m giving my life a makeover. I’ve started working out with a personal trainer–Jess Hogue at Shape Plus.

Bye, bread.

After being told that, in order to reach my goals, eating smaller portions and eating more often (and ditching white bread, pasta and sugar, ugh!) was the most direct route, I was admittedly peeved. But, I started my regimen the next day, full gusto. After my first day of eating perfectly, I had a couple glasses of red wine. The second day, I messed up a little with timing–as Jess likes to say, “Size matters, and timing is everything.”–and I drank, a lot. It was New Year’s Eve, though. And, New Year’s Day, I saw a movie and had some popcorn and drank again that night. The fourth and fifth days I had no booze and followed the meal plan to a T, but when I weighed in, I had gained 2 pounds. Ouch.

Jess asked me if I was surprised. I was. Genuinely. I had barely been moving around previous to working out with him, I had been eating everything I wanted to and was drinking whenever I felt like it (bottomless mimosas, anyone?). I had completely changed my food and barely slipped up, and I had gained weight? Yeah, I was surprised. So, I had to reevaluate. I have a goal after all, and I need to get there. So, I vowed to only drink once a week and follow the food plan perfectly. Jess also challenged me to 30 minutes of cardio every day (including the days I work with him) for thirty days, “In order to achieve, you have to believe,” he told me, and I got after it. Since then, I average about a pound/day of weight loss. I’m not obsessed with the number though. What I’m obsessed with are my cheek bones sticking out a bit more and my coat getting loose. I feel stronger, mentally and physically. I’m on day 16 of cardio every day. Hungover, tired or cranky, I’m on a treadmill every morning right when I wake up.

But, I still don’t trust myself. It’s only been three weeks, and I don’t know when the trust will come. When my sister-in-law offered me a bite of a benya at Lucile’s on day 5, I said no. When my friend invited me over for dinner and made a gorgeous goat cheese and leaks pizza, I brought my own food. When I was invited for drinks last week on one of my six non-drinking days, I went but drank water with lemon. I’m keeping a food journal for Jess, and I turned in my last diaries on Monday. I just hope that despite no one looking–after all, it’s up to me, not Jess, to do the work–that somehow I will keep my eye on the prize.

“You have to believe that what you’re doing is going to get you the results you want. You have to decide every single day that you will take action and that no matter what obstacles get in your way or how hard it gets, you will succeed!” Jess said, and he says things like this all the time. I’m getting there. I believe, and at some point, trust will follow.

I’ve worked out before and lost track. I’ve done well with food before and lost track. Then, I woke up one day and I was this thing, this other person, when I looked in the mirror. I don’t want to deal with ever again. Literally. I don’t want to ride a rollercoaster. I don’t want to be like Oprah. I just want to be happy, forever, and I honestly don’t think that’s too much to ask.

One thing I can tell you is, when my alarm went off this morning, I popped out of bed and put on my shoes without thinking. And, I didn’t know, until I looked at the calendar, how many days in a row I’d been doing this.

My workout partners--total bad asses--Jess Hogue, and I right after our work out.

Here’s a little food for thought for all of you that feel inspired by what I’m up to, but haven’t taken your own first step: “So many people never start because they think about what they have to do to get there. If you want to achieve, if you want to accomplish, if you want to win, then you have to focus on the desired goals–not on what you have to do to get there.” And, that’s straight from Jess. When I hit the treadmill, if I think about anything but fitting into those jeans way in the back of my closet that I haven’t squeezed into in years, or how much stronger I am now than I have been in a long time, I’d stop or half-ass it. It’s so much easier, eons easier, when all I think about is how much I want this.

Click here for more information on where I’m working out.