“How DID it end up like this?” Is what you might be asking yourself after 303 Magazine’s pool party this Sunday, August 25th.
Well, chances are it started out with a kiss. How that kiss went is likely a good indicator of how it ended up.
“But it was only a kiss!” Wrong. Locking lips is much more telling than you probably wish it was at times. It can reveal your confidence level, a passionate nature, that elusive tender side or even a naughty disposition. So when you’re lucky enough to steal a smooch this weekend sitting poolside or anywhere else, remember a few of these DOs & Dont’s and make sure it ends up better for you than it did for Mr. Brightside.
DO: Be Conscious of Hygiene
Let’s be real, if your breath smells like you’ve spent the day eating a shit sandwich no one is coming near you let alone kissing you–morning breath is no joke. An 11 a.m. pool party can be a little early for those of you going out on Saturday night, but there is always time for some Crest and Listerine. Don’t forget the chap-stick or lip balm either.
DON’T: Kiss Someone Else’s Girl/Guy
I went to New Orleans for a football game with my brother once, and being in a new city we were feeling daring. The contest was to snag a kiss from a random girl in the stadium. My brother struck first. I turned around in time to see the tail end of the kiss and for the girl’s boyfriend to pop out from the other side of her- his hand clasped with hers and a pissed off look. The details are hazy but I remember hearing a repetitious and drunken “Fuck you, don’t touch my girl!” from the boyfriend. Rightfully so. But that brings up another DON’T: Um, don’t kiss someone if you’re holding hands with your significant other!
A simple gesture is all it takes- a certain smirk, a laugh when the joke isn’t funny, a wink or a bite on that bottom lip. Oh my, that playful bite on the bottom lip. Mmmhmm. Ladies this one is mainly for you- If you’re diggin’ him, let him know! Of course, you cant just come out and say it, but all it takes is something subtle. Now, if he’s not quick enough to catch on, time to move on. Fellas, look out for the subtle hints, damnit! Never will a girl you’re just getting to know say: “Please shove your tongue into my mouth right this moment.” If she wants a kiss, she’ll drop a hint, you’d just better be ready to spot it and act on it.
DON’T: Stare Like a Creep
The opposite sex, and same sex for that matter, can scare off easier than that asshole cat that never lets you pet it- all it takes is the slightest of unintended signals. If you’re staring at a girl like she’s a honey-baked ham, chances are she’ll stare at you like the hyena you’re impersonating and avoid you as such. Guys, this is mainly for you. If you’re on the prowl, eye contact is key- Don’t get caught salivating while “watchin’ that booty bounce ,” instead, give her a strong, confident look and smile. Her smile back is your invitation to break the ice.
DO: Kiss Playfully
Asking for a kiss on the cheek and whipping your head around just in time to swindle a smooch on the lips is playful. Wagering a kiss in a friendly bet over a game of beer pong is playful. A nibble on the ear followed by some brief lip locking and even a quick grope is playful. (All parties must be ok with a quick “grope,” please don’t accost anybody. And yes, it should be short and sweet) Sharing a kiss underwater is sexy AND playful. Coming in for a kiss like you’re the booze baron is NOT fun, and no one will want to play.
DON’T: Give us an Amateur Porn Show
Look, you’re hot, I get it. Your swimsuit could cause a traffic jam and you’ve worked all summer to show off that bomb beach bod. But this isn’t one of those crazy college fuck-fest parties. And chances are you’re not the Teen Mom star who just signed a million dollar porn contract– This makes you an amateur. And while the show you might give would be something to behold, by definition it is bush league– no one is paying to watch your saliva swapped back and forth while you’re straddled over your significant other. This is gross in a public setting, show some class.
Employ these tactics and you should be able to earn a big wet one while looking like the coolest cat at the party. Or just remember a few of these and you can avoid acting like an asshole–which will probably work in your favor. Pleasant kissing, folks. See you at the party!