I saw American Reunion the other night. You know, the reunion of the movie that made apple pie infamously synonymous with self-pleasure. And, I might ruin it for those who haven’t seen it yet, but there is a scene during which the now-married Jim and Michelle struggle to find intimate time now that they have a child. And, instead of looking for that time together, each of them chooses to utilize their free time pleasing themselves, with the aid of tools such as a sock, the Internet, or, in Michelle’s case, a bathtub. And it got me thinking. Relationships, at the beginning, are driven by lust, passion, desire. Sex is frequently the activity of choice. At what point does the activity best experienced as a twosome turn into a preferred solo?

Maybe couples turn to self-pleasure during conflicting schedule times. Maybe they become self-conscious about their appearance (yep, I am talking to women here – I hear the birth-giving process ruins self-image). Or, maybe they aren’t outspoken with their partners about what pleases them, choosing instead to reach that high themselves. Whatever the reason, the act of lovemaking was never intended to be a solo performance – only the rehearsal of it. If you’re a twosome (or a multi-some, depending on your lifestyle, beliefs or country of residence), keep your solos to desperate times. Temporary long-distance relationship? Play away, but allow the new-age technology to provide interaction with your partner via Skype. Busy, conflicting schedules? Get off, but save some energy in case your mate makes it home at a decent hour. Kids leave no free time? Plan date nights and weekends away to catch up. Horny beyond “normal” human being thresholds? Request more of your partner, then deplete the remains.

Basically, put your significant other first. What happens if you start to enjoy yourself more during your solo act than the duo performance? If you don’t need them for that, well… you start to question what else you need them for. Instead, lay your cards out on the table. If you’re comfortable having sex, be comfortable talking about it. And lay off the excuses – take it back to those first few months when you would do it anywhere, and get back to adding on to your list of hot spots.


Vicky fills the shoes of local Carrie Bradshaw in CandiDates, a blog about her own quest to explore the intricacies of relationships. Originally from Kiev, Ukraine, she has made Denver her home and playground. A writer and copy editor for 303 Magazine by day, Vicky spends her nights pursuing her passion of ballroom dance.