Sex is like money. I hear women say ‘Sex isn’t everything’, or ‘There’s more to life than sex’. But like money, it’s usually those who say it isn’t everything who don’t have enough of it. The bottom line however, is that we need money to live…and we need sex to stay ‘alive’.
Admit it. I know I’m not the only one who’s run into someone who’s being a complete jackass or a raging bitch and thought “Damn. They need to get laid.”
It is a biological fact that any act that stimulates one sexually and ultimately satisfies sexual desires, releases a chemical in the brain that creates a euphoric sense of relaxation and well-being. If frequent sex makes for happier individuals, why aren’t we all having more of it? If we were all enjoying more satisfying sex lives, would there be less anger, hatred, war, and general acts of aggression? I believe that frequency and quality of sex affects our attitudes, our stress levels, our coping abilities, and ultimately our success in life on a daily basis.
Pharmaceutical companies are spending a lot of money right now developing a drug that will increase a woman’s libido, doing for women what Viagra did for men. Thanks to the wonders of modern science, there is always a pill we can take to fix what’s broken. First they sold us on anti-depressants like Prozac, which had a side effect that lowered our sex drives. Now they want to sell us another pill to get it back again. Ridiculous isn’t it? When all we really need is to reawaken our sexuality and readjust our attitudes so we can enjoy healthy sex lives and reap the benefits of Mother Nature’s anti-depressant – oxytocin.
I talk with women who have not had sex in months or even years. They are often healthy, attractive, intelligent women, who say they choose not to have sex, because they no longer have the desire and they are fine living without it. Many single women feel that if they don’t have a committed relationship, they would rather be celibate than live with the complications that casual sex can cause. I have talked to these same women after reconnecting with their sexuality, whether it was a casual fling, new friend with benefits, or the start of a new relationship. They light up like Christmas trees when they tell you how wonderful it was to feel sexually desired again and physically satisfied.
This tuning out of sexual intimacy is not only an affliction for single women. I speak with even more women and men who are in monogamous committed relationships that can’t remember when they last had sex. I know there are various excuses for this. We’re busy, we’re tired, we’re raising kids, dealing with debt, blah, blah, blah. But I think the real problem stems from an inability in our culture to embrace and celebrate our sexuality.
Unfortunately our society and religious influences have created feelings of guilt and shame around sex, particularly for women. Messages like ‘touching yourself is bad’, or ‘casual sex makes you a slut’ or ‘sex is for procreation, not for pleasure’ have been fed to us for thousands of years. Yet, through all this there were popes and cardinals in the Middle Ages who had mistresses and illegitimate children living in the Vatican! So fast forward 500 or so years and here we are with politicians who believe that birth control should be made illegal! What century is this again?
There was a time, long, long ago, believe it or not, when female sexuality was revered. Ancient cultures worshipped Goddesses for their power, wisdom, and benevolence. They were healers and priestesses. It was man’s thirst for power and control that turned these revered and sacred ‘wise women’ as they were called, into witches, and sparked The Inquisition and the Salem witch hunts where hundreds of thousands of women were tortured and murdered.
A couple of years ago, the Dalai Lama said that the world will be saved by the western woman. Nicole Daedone, author of “Slow Sex; The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm” has a slightly different theory, and one that the Dalai Lama would probably not feel comfortable stating. Ms. Daedone’s theory is that the world will be saved by the ‘turned-on woman’. And I tend to agree with her. The beauty of feminine sexuality needs to be rediscovered and embraced by today’s modern women and revered and respected by men. And I believe it can change the course of history. In our present day economy, sex is still a simple pleasure that costs nothing (unless of course you choose to pay for it).
Our amazing bodies have been intricately designed, not just for purposes of procreation but for pleasure. What a terrible waste not to learn how to use them. On my website, Empowered Sex, I refer to women embracing their sexuality as unleashing your inner Goddess or embracing your inner slut. You can call it whatever you want, just do it. There are a lot of things wrong with this world right now that we can do little about, so if you’re going to make a New Year’s resolution I would suggest just one. Male or female, and regardless of sexual preference, make a concerted effort to have more exciting, pleasurable, raucous, joyful, mind-blowing, consensual sex in 2012. Do your part for world peace.