The role of the best man and the maid of honor – having been one, and now having one, grants me some ground to speak on this behalf. First, let’s define the role: you are the right hand man/woman (unless the bride/groom is left-handed, of course) to your best friend at this time. It’s the best of times, it’s the most stressful of times, and you want to make sure to relieve the “stress” part and increase the “best” part. But, most importantly, you get to plan the event before The Event: the bachelor/bachelorette party.

Having said that, do you honor your BFF bride/groom’s request, or do you plan what you consider an ideal party in your mind? Whose fantasy do you fulfill? If your BFF wants a frenzy of alcohol, a roomful of strippers (or “male dancers” for the proper ladies), and a foggy memory the next morning, do you deliver? Or do you provide what’s on your (much more lame and tame) agenda for the night: a mani/pedi and some gossip with a glass of wine? Or, vice versa, if your friend wants a more calm event that includes a round of golf or a day at the mall, drinks and dancing at a nightclub, maybe some gambling, do you instead get your buddy wasted enough to end up on a rooftop with a set of twins whose business card you grabbed earlier in the day while walking the Vegas strip, because, let’s face it, how can he or she not want that type of entertainment?

Some have the mentality that this is the last chance you get to act single, or even be single. And, if you look up the definition of this event on, say, Wikipedia (which, if any journalist uses as the main source, immediately discredits one as a journalist, so bear with me, I am going somewhere with this), it will confirm that the purpose of the party is to celebrate the couple’s last night of freedom. But, keep reading – even Wikipedia concedes that it can also merely be a time to spend with one’s friends, however one chooses. The reason I bring up Wikipedia is: if your best friend relies more on an online encyclopedia source for a definition than on what you are disclosing that you want, then whose honor is this party being thrown in?

Every best man/maid of honor knows their BFF better than anyone…or should. And the party that they throw should reflect that knowledge; should maybe test boundaries but not cross them; should be a blast to be remembered, not a night to want to forget. Each individual gets to define this event for themselves, and each MOH and Best Man get to execute that definition, albeit with some incorporated surprises in the mix. The take-away: remember that the bride/groom will more than likely be on the flip side for your big day, so plan accordingly.


Vicky fills the shoes of local Carrie Bradshaw in CandiDates, a blog about her own quest to explore the intricacies of relationships. Originally from Kiev, Ukraine, she has made Denver her home and playground. A writer and copy editor for 303 Magazine by day, Vicky spends her nights pursuing her passion of ballroom dance.