The first night together…not necessarily the first romp, but the first real time you go over to his place at dusk with no intention of leaving until dawn. Is it planned? Do you pack a sleepover kit with your toothbrush, nightie, deodorant, perfume, extra pair of undies, etc.? Or, do you make it casual, planned but unplanned, and just “happen” to have a bottle of Scope and a stick of Secret in your purse? The need to appear perfect without trying too hard—it seems the degree of perfection all depends on the dude.
Is it someone I am super comfortable with, who will rise before me and leave me with some “alone” time to perfect myself while he surprises me with the delicious scent of coffee? Or, is it the panicked, “Shit, does this make her my girlfriend?” type, who will greet me with a note on the pillow the next morning: “Something came up—please stay as long as you’d like,” obviously screaming for me to leave, because he won’t reappear until after I have disappeared? And, why do we, women, even care? I once met a woman who confided in me that her husband had never seen her without makeup. I didn’t believe it, until she went on to share her routine: she sneaks out of bed before the man opens his eyes, applies her “face”, reapplies before he comes home, and does not wash up before bed. I looked at her in disbelief—she didn’t look hideous, but then again, guess she’s had plenty of face-painting experience… I just don’t get it. Guys wake up sleepy-eyed, hair in all directions and sometimes do not even bother to brush their teeth before reaching for us to cure their morning wood, yet we worry about our make-up-less face and, gasp, untidy appearance? What’s with this aim to please or to impress, especially when the only ones sometimes left unpleasant and unimpressed are us? It shouldn’t matter who the guy is, you shouldn’t feel comfortable sleeping over unless you are comfortable waking up. And, word of advice to the face-painter lady: start by showing him some pictures of you in your natural state, so that, if someday you happen to end up in a hospital overnight with no makeup bag, and your man comes to claim you, he’s able to recognize and take home his belongings.


Vicky fills the shoes of local Carrie Bradshaw in CandiDates, a blog about her own quest to explore the intricacies of relationships. Originally from Kiev, Ukraine, she has made Denver her home and playground. A writer and copy editor for 303 Magazine by day, Vicky spends her nights pursuing her passion of ballroom dance.