So, I’m hard at it still…trying to lose these last pounds. I’m sort of down about it lately–but the good news is, I know it’s a temporary downer. I’ve been riding this ride alllll year. I will succeed, survive, conquer and win. And, the brilliant feelings outnumber the frustrating ones.
Here’s what’s plaguing me: I’m happy. When I started to find my happy on the last day of last year with owner and personal trainer of Shape Plus Personal Training Jess Hogue, I was the most miserable I’d ever been. So miserable, I didn’t know how low I really was. I had no concept of how I was holding myself back until just recently (past month or so). In the years leading up to NYE 2010, I was mostly a size 10, but a recent doctor’s visit showed me that twenty of the forty-six pounds I’ve ditched came from last year alone. I spiked at a size 14. I couldn’t wear over-the-knee boots cause my calves were too big. I slapped on some XL sequins for New Year’s cause if you can’t shrink it, at least it can sparkle, right? Anyway, that last twenty came on so quickly and then I took it off so quickly, I didn’t really get that I ever had it until the nurse informed me. Whoa. But, I’m happy to say the fat girl phase of my life is over. It’s funny to think about it as just a phase since it’s been my whole life minus 2011, but I figure I’ve only lived a third of my live so far. The other two-thirds will be spent fit. If you’re struggling with weight loss or unhappiness in anyway–this is the point when I hope you say to yourself, “What am I waiting for?” And put your shoes on and off you go. It’s my life’s greatest regret–why did I stay that way for so long? But, I’m here now, and that’s what matters.
Back to the point–the crux of my week: happiness. I can see my ab muscles. People touch my waist and tell me how tiny I am. When I say I’m just doing ten more, people ask, “Where will that even come from?” Skinny Minnie is something people call me quite often. I get checked out with a much higher frequency. I mean, I’m happy. So, where on earth am I going to find the strength to get rid of more? I’ve fueled the fire with pain for so long. In its wake, what gets the flames going?
Why bother? You might be asking. Why waste another moment in the land of weight loss if you’re happy with your weight? It’s a fair question, especially after I gloat about my bliss. I’m happy, friends. But I want to be ecstatic. I want to be Samantha from Sex and the City confident (not skanky, okay?). Remember the episode when all the ladies were pointing out their flaws and Samantha had nothing to offer? Why can’t that be me or you? Why not? We don’t have to settle for top 25 percent of great figures, or even top 10 percent. I want to be the girl who doesn’t have to get “bikini ready” aside from a quick wax job. I don’t want to aspire to other people. I don’t want to think, “This is nice, but that’s nicer.” Why is this difference important, you might ask? Because it is. The things I’ve accomplished personally and professionally by carving time out of every day to address my needs and reach my goals are mind blowing. That’s why it’s important. It’s the most important thing, perhaps. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first, remember?
When you give yourself constant abuse (overeating, under working out, yes to everything and everyone but yourself), giving yourself a little bit of love is easy. Small adjustments lead to big results, which converts to extreme motivation. Instant gratification. Well, I’ve adjusted a lot of small things and had amazing results. So now, seemingly small adjustments are sort of major. And, I’m doing great. So, why would I take anything else away from myself? Do you see where I’m going with this? When you’re living a lovely life, how do you find the desire to have an even lovelier one? What motivates that? We shall see…
Click here for more information about where I’m working out.
Here’s another before and after that I think is fun in a I’m-so-ashamed-of-myself-I-could-cry sort of way.
Laura Standley has been the editor in chief of 303 Magazine since 2007.
To read her past blog entries, click here.