Dance music has long been a scapegoat for drug use. After all, why would anyone in their right mind listen to the same monotonous beat for so many straight hours? Not only that, some of its most high profile acts have monikers that strongly imply mind-altering substances. Chemical Brothers and Crystal Method are the most blatant offenders. The lesser known Designer Drugs, catching a red eye to The Bluebird this Thursday, is another. Of course, drug references in popular music are nothing new. Jazz master Cab Calloway was asking listeners if they’d “ever met that funny reefer man” nearly a century ago. Still, employing a Schedule I narcotic reference in your actual recording and touring alias isn’t exactly subtle. Fortunately, Designer Drugs’ Thursday opener balances out any potential negative influence with a message about proactive oral health. The cartoon box of waxed string at the top of Flosstradamus‘ Myspazz page reinforces the point. The name “Flosstradamus” is obviously a hybrid of two words: “floss” and famous seer “Nostradamus”. It’s as if they can envision a future where dental hygiene (or lack thereof) affects the outcome. A quick consultation with my prosthodontist sis confirms as much:
“Only floss the teeth you want to keep.”
Or, as one of her classmates put it:
“Brushing your teeth without flossing is like showering without washing your junk.”
There you have it, faithful readers, oral advice from the horse’s mouth. And a horse’s ass.