You’re stoked. You finally get a day off and want to put in a long gym session to make up for the last few days you were stuck late at work. Only problem is there’s a blizzard outside with a foot of snow already on the ground, so it looks like you’re staying put. Before cabin fever sets in and you eat anything that is edible (or questionably edible) just because you don’t know what else to do, take a look at these tips and tricks for getting in a workout while you’re stuck at home.
Tip #1: Tone up those abdominal muscles to get rid of that muffin top, jelly-roll, or whatever else they are calling it these days to only further induce hunger. I usually do crunches with knees bent and feet on the floor, knees bent and feet up in the air, legs straight up, legs straight out, balanced sitting with feet up with a weight going side-to-side, and standing with a weight leaning side to side toward knees (are you keeping up?). To make this workout more entertaining on your day stuck at home, grab an old celeb gossip magazine lying around and do one repetition every time Jennifer Aniston is portrayed as a lonely, sad, old bag. Keep in mind, you will be doing a lot of reps. For the advanced version (beginners beware), do two reps every time you see a picture of Taylor Swift with a new boyfriend and an additional rep every time you see Kris Jenner photo bombing her daughters trying to fit in as the 4th sister.
Tip #2: Dumbbells, kettlebells, medicine balls. Boring. Got a 10 pound dog hangin’ out around the house? Use it instead. Not only will it provide you with the weight needed for strengthening but also a dog can provide the added challenge of motivating you to work out even harder. Once those cold, dark, judging eyes pierce you as if they are saying “using me as a weight makes you look fat,” it will only make you push harder to show that cruel dog what’s up.
Tip #3: Cardio is an important aspect of any workout regimen and can be hard to complete when you’re stuck at home. Try watching all of Beyonce’s videos and learning the dance moves in every one. I can’t get past 30 seconds into “Single Ladies” before falling to the floor in exhaustion cursing the goddess of modern hip hop dance and bearer of Jay-Z’s magic musical spawn. Use caution while using this tip, it can be very easy to pull a groin muscle (lots of pelvic thrusting).
Tip #4: Plank on every surface possible. No, not the dumb planking everyone was doing a while ago where they were all like “oh look at me I’m laying here on a rock,” but the planking where you are working your abs so hard it feels like they are going to rip in half. Do a plank for 30 seconds on the floor, kitchen counter, washer/dryer, and wherever else you can.
Tip #5: Did you try to sell your old college textbooks back but couldn’t even get them to sell enough for beer money to make it worth the trip to the sell back store? They are probably piled up somewhere in your house just oozing with knowledge that you will never know the goodness of. Well, now is the time to put them to use. No, don’t open them, gross. Use them for steps, weights, or things to jump over. Use them for pretty much anything other than what they were intended for, just as our teachers and parents would have wanted us to. Cue: “We are the world, we are the children…”