Women are born to love, nurture and watch Katherine Heigl movies with boxes of kleenex at the ready. Still, despite the continual loop of RomCom anthologies in their heads and the ability to blow-dry their hair, make coffee and Kardashian bump-watch all at once, they can still be a little clueless when it comes to relationships. Sorry ladies, the truth hurts (and if it will make you feel better, please see: 7 Deadly Sins a Guy Can Commit to Kill a Relationship).
#1). Saran Wrap Sally
She’s put a GPS tracking device in your phone. She has the names of your kids picked out. She goes ballistic if you don’t answer your phone or respond to her 27 texts. She’s needy, clingy and insecure. [Note: Guys LOATHE a women who has independence issues and stalker-ish tendencies.]
#2.) Complaining Cathy
She tells you in gory, graphic and gritty detail about her co-worker’s obnoxious use of the office stapler. She hates this, is over that and overshares negative nuances of her day.
#3.) Gossip Girl
She loves hearing and sharing the latest gruesome gossip about her friends, colleagues and family. She criticizes other people’s life choices (i.e. her bestie’s layered hair cut is ‘trying too hard’) and is constantly trying to dig up dirt like a newborn puppy.
#4.) No Life Lucy
She has no friends. Never speaks with her family. Quit college. No job or job prospects. No hobbies. No plans. No dreams.
#5.) Ugly Betty
She doesn’t take care of herself physically and/or has a bad attitude. She prefers subs to gyms and has greasy hair, outdated clothes, dirty nails and fuzzy legs.
#6.) Money Hungry Monica
If she has her hairdresser on speed dial, never wears non-labels and prefers you pay for everything, every time, she might not be a keeper. Take her camping or outside and see how that goes.
#7.) Celibate Carol
She doesn’t like or enjoy sex. No need for her to bring Jeff Probst the torch–she’s been voted off his island forever.