While surfing the internet a few days ago I found myself trolling Hulu, hoping to find something new to watch. I was just about to give up when I caught a glimpse of my current issue of Rolling Stone and saw the cheerful faces of the boys and girls of Glee staring back at me. So, I watched Glee.
I had heard from coworkers (mainly one…Anthony) about an episode completely devoted to Madonna. So, I watched that particular episode. Who cares about the rest of the season?
During the episode, Sue mentions being like Madonna and dating younger men.
Considering I’m a younger man I opted to go on a date with an older man (I thought I would help him get in touch with his inner Madonna)…it was terrible.
Keeping with Madonna tradition I tried to find a guy somewhere in the 28 year age difference. It was hard but I found someone with a 22 year age gap and it was close enough.
The date started pretty normal. We met at around noon for mid-day food and drinks. But when it came time for conversation this is where the age gap reared its ugly head.
While I wanted to chat about pop music, television, Facebook and media relevant to my age circle (of which he was completely unaware) he wanted to fill our conversation with updates and stories from daytime television (The Steve Wilkos show, Dr. Phil…who cares?). It felt very one sided at times. Although, during our date he did inform me of the lastest celebrity voted off of Dancing with the Stars, the current state of American Idol and how he had managed to upload a few pictures on Facebook without the help of his 19 year old daughter.
When the option for dessert arrived I quickly jumped at it but my date responded with the signature old and out of shape response, “If I had your metabolism again…” Thanks for reminding me that while I was learning to walk you were already taking shots.
I tried to bite my tongue and continue with the date but when the plates were cleared and the drinks emptied, I suggested we head to the park to play a little frisbee or something. It seems the old man was a tuckered out and just didn’t have the energy to continue on.
“I wish I had your energy again. You make me tired just thinking about it. I would but I think I’m gonna go home and take a nap. You’re more than welcome to come join me…” No thanks old man. I bet before we take a nap I’d have to rub some Icy Hot on your geriatric body, right?
Needless to say, my attempt to help an old man get in touch with his inner Madonna was a complete failure. Sure, maybe he felt good to be seen out in public with someone significantly younger than himself but the feeling was certainly not mutual. I have energy to burn and it seems he was just old and burnt out.
Lesson: Don’t try and go Madonna. Those famous age gaps are famous for a reason. Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Madonna and Jesus…relationships with killer age gaps don’t come around very often, so stick to your own age bracket.