If only there were a psychological hack to making friends.
Batting your eyes twice, standing at the perfect angle or even borrowing a charismatic trick or two from the dark psychology playbook that alluring serial killers like Ted Bundy used in his murderous endeavors. Not to mention, those Etsy witch friendship potions? Remove them from your shopping cart.
In reality, it’s both easier and harder than you might think to make friends in the Mile High. The tips we gathered from local licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Dr. Rashmi Gangamma, who serves as a professor and program director of the Couples and Family Therapy program at the University of Colorado, Denver, may seem simplistic at first glance. But, beneath the surface lies a level of self-awareness and insight that goes far deeper than what meets the eye.
Notably, they encourage active efforts to get out and about and enjoy the landscapes around you. But, how can one even begin to do that, without knowing who one really is?
The secret behind making friendships, or any relationship for that matter, starts within you.
Arguably, one of the bravest things someone can do is untangle the weeds required in true soul-searching. It’s a jungle necessitating more than a light tree-trimming, be it pondering over a favorite breakfast spot, or questioning a preference for dogs over cats. Instead, the process demands a machete in hand to hack through the overgrown branches encasing those unresolved feelings, often ignored in favor of the daily routine. But, just like Micheal Myers, no matter how many times they get pushed away, they always come back for vengeance tenfold.
But, what else lies there?
The treasures residing in this terrain, once uncovered, prove to be fruitful from the effort it took to find them. Imagine the most liberating sense of freedom coupled with the truest of passions and most fulfilling of interests right at your fingertips. Unlocking all of these allows budding friendships to become just as manageable as they are rewarding. “Being intentional in developing friendships is very important,” said Dr. Gangamma. “Meaningful friendships are a vital part in promoting health and the antidote to isolation and loneliness that can creep in,” she continued.
All of these internal tendrils, with their beastly roots and complicated origins, make up the tangled beauty that is the human experience. Each essence is worth living and each one is entirely unique to its host. There’s only one shot at this little thing called life and sharing pieces of it with others makes the whole ride more worthwhile.
So, if you’re ready to let others in on the journey, take a look at these therapist-informed tips for expanding your circle in Denver.
Join a Meetup Group
Where: Various locations.
The Lowdown: Joining a meetup group with people who share your interests is a rock-solid choice. Websites like Meetup.com offer everything from cooking classes, to book clubs to even the more obscure – a metaphysical fair visit, perhaps? As Dr. Gangamma pointed out, these groups are especially great because they are full of “opportunities to make connections and discover new interests.”
Join a Recreational Sports League
Where: 3821 Steele Street, Suite 1414, Denver.
The Lowdown: Recreational sports leagues could offer the perfect mix of movement and nostalgia, like tapping back into your inner high school athlete. Groups like Volo offer all kinds of leagues at different performance levels. Getting knee-deep in sand volleyball with others is a surefire way of building camaraderie, as well as stamina.
Join an Open Play
Where: 850 South Bryant Street, Denver.
The Lowdown: Open plays give you the chance to zone in on your sport of choice while also meeting new people on the court. Dr. Gangamma is a fan of pickleball herself and recommends grabbing the paddle to take a swing at something new. Parks like Huston Lake Park offer a stack system on their four permanent outdoor courts, making it easy to join in. Just be warned, pickleball has a surprisingly vast ranking system. So, choose your court intentionally to ensure you’re matched with players at a level that works for you.
Volunteer for a Resonant Cause
Where: Various locations.
The Lowdown: If sports and recreation aren’t your thing, then try tapping into your philanthropic side instead. Working towards a shared cause naturally builds your tribe and in Denver, it’s easy to find the right fit with plenty of organizations looking for support. Plus, it’s a meaningful way to see how you collaborate with others and, more importantly, how they show up for you.
Hit the Dog Parks
Where: Various locations.
The Lowdown: Lastly, if you’ve got a furry friend and want some company on your friendship endeavors, consider bringing them on the trip. Dog parks like the Cherry Creek State Dog Park are great spots for both you and your pup to socialize. Honestly, maybe we could take a cue from them anyways. They just sniff butts and move on, right? Kidding. Please don’t do that. Try starting a simple conversation. With words, that is.
Get Outside Your Comfort Zone
It’s important to recognize that there are other factors at play when making friendships, particularly in adulthood. “Our abilities to develop new friends can vary, as it gets harder when we age or relocate,” said Dr. Gangamma. We don’t always have those built-in social structures like school or places of worship that are breeding grounds of organic connection. The settings that do exist are limited to those who can access them, meaning for many it takes intentional effort with risks of potential rejection underscoring everything.
Dr. Gangamma says that while forming new friendships matters, so does nurturing the ones you already have. “It’s also important to invest time and effort in maintaining those relationships that nurture you,” she shared. “Make sure you actually enjoy spending time with the people you’re spending it with.”
Ultimately, connection isn’t going to be instant. There isn’t one psychological trick to guarantee a plethora of friends at your disposal. But, the pursuit itself can be enriching in its own right, if you choose to take it.