We all know that the presidential election still has a while to go before we should start taking it seriously (I’m looking at you, Trump). But in the mean time, while the presidential candidates bombard our SNL skits and college auditoriums, let’s consider what really matters– what are their pump-up jams before they give a speech? Let’s have a look at this obviously factual and realistic song list.
Hillary Clinton — “Let it Go” from Frozen
We get it–you had some bad press with that whole e-mail scandal, and I think we are all, plus you, Mrs. Clinton, thinking it’s time to move on. I mean, I’ve deleted texts for the sake of anonymity and who hasn’t had a scandal these days? *ahem, Mr. Clinton*. Reach into your inner Elsa, Hillary, and it’ll be okay.
Bernie Sanders — “Earned It” by The Weeknd
Since the 1960s, Sanders has stuck to his campaign of equal rights, fair wages, and the freedom for gay marriage. Finally, in 2015, he is getting some recognition for these liberal thoughts and the Millennials are loving it. I can only imagine how Sanders feels — apart from being stressed by his number one competitor, Hillary — but he probably sits down at night, whiskey in hand, giving a smirk of sweet, sweet satisfaction. You’ve earned this recognition, Bernie, you keep doin’ you.
Donald Trump — “My Way” by Fetty Wap
Because is there any other way than his way for Mr. Trump? I think he turns this on before the Republican Debates, maybe the disrespect of woman in this song fuels Mr. Trumps’ ego, but hey, who am I to judge? I also find that in Fetty Wap songs, it is sometimes hard to distinguish what he is saying, just like how it is extremely difficult to wrap your head around as to what Mr. Trump is saying.
Ben Carson — “Bad Blood” by Taylor Swift
I know it’s been a year or two, but your comment comparing homosexuality to beastiality and then the subsequent backlash of Johns Hopkins students banning together to not have you speak on their campus, well, there might be some bad blood going on between you, the college, and LGBTQ community we all know and love. However, you got your Republican squad (#RepublicanGoals) and they will have your back.
Jeb Bush — “Smoke Weed Everyday” by Snoop Dogg
Because, Mr. Bush, I think you are the only candidate to come out and admit you smoked weed in your younger, more robust years, and for that, we thank you.
Carly Fiorina — “Pretty Woman” by Roy Orbison
Trump finds it easiest to attack appearances, including his competitor for the Republican Party, Ms. Fiorina, and Ms. Fiorina finds it easiest to laugh at his face. However, I would find some satisfication if she called Trump ugly back in the next debate — I don’t think anyone would judge her on that level. In fact, she might just gain a little bit more support from the people Trump has insulted and deflected from his campaign (women).
Barack Obama — “What Do You Mean?” by Justin Bieber
Now, I know he can’t run in the next election, but I figure he is asking this question to himself when he sees the nominees. He is sitting in his plush office chair, spinning around, just muttering, what in the hell do you mean, Trump? Jeb, why can’t you finish your sentences? Hillary — come on, what do ya mean you deleted those e-mails?