The relationship between a woman and her hairstylist is a sacred thing. A stylist is an artist, therapist and best friend all rolled into one. Finding the perfect match is no small feat, and can often require more scrutiny than you might be inclined to put into selecting a significant other. And for good reason, you spend two to three hours every few months with them touching your scalp while you stare at one another in a mirror.
All things aside, a hair salon is one of the most fundamental aspects of female culture. That being said, we all have some thoughts that come to pass every time we step into those hallowed, hairspray-smelling halls.
1. Don’t judge me because my hair looks like a haystack.
To be fair, stylists always tell you to not come in with freshly washed hair if you’re getting color done. Therefore, please excuse the messy bun, greasy roots and tangled hair.
2. “YAAAS,” trashy magazines.
No self-respecting person feels great reaching for the tabloids about the hottest Hollywood bodies and so-and-so’s most recent divorce. Hair salons, however, understand that these magazines are everyone’s guilty pleasures.
3. That girl’s hair looks great. Maybe I should do that instead.
You walk in thinking that you know what you want, but temptations await in every chair. You come in wanting a trim and a root touch up, and start debating a lob and blonde highlights while you wait for your turn in the chair.
4. How does my stylist remember the name of my childhood dog when I was twelve years old?
Stylists are either the best friends in the world, or they sit down after every appointment and jot down the highlights from the conversation. They remember everything, and ask you about it with no prompting.
5. I hope you understand the haircut I’m envisioning in my head.
Hair terminology is not my forte. When I say I want my bangs to do that “whooshy thing” that everyone is really into right now, I’m super impressed when a stylist can deliver.
6. I don’t think my neck was designed to fit in this sink.
Neck pain, always.
7. I would marry you based on your scalp massaging capabilities alone.
It’s impossible to recreate the head magic that happens when a stylist massages your scalp while shampooing. Just enjoy those five to ten minutes.
8. This shampoo smells like angels.
You can’t get that scent in the grocery store. That scent is reserved for these hair artists to magically massage into your head.
9. My whole face is getting wet.
Somehow when the shampoo is getting rinsed out, you get sprayed all over your lovely visage. Is there a ring of no foundation around your hairline? Is mascara running down your face?
10. Oh my god, how many inches is that?
Trust is a tricky thing, especially when it comes to ends being cut. You reiterate: “Just a couple inches, right?”
11. Oh okay, that looks pretty good, actually.
Hair stylists aren’t evil people trying to give everyone a bob. They really just want to wrangle your split ends in so they’re under control. And they do tend to know what they’re doing.
12. Watch the blow drying technique. Learn the blow drying technique.
God, it looks like a standard round brush and blow dryer. Surely you can recreate that blowout at home, right? No. No you can’t.
13. My hair has never felt so soft.
Maybe you should buy every product your stylist just put on your lovely locks. Oh…fifty dollars for smoothing serum? Never mind.
14. Boys are so lucky.
Goodbye, $150. It’s okay to momentarily be jealous of their Great Clips prices.
15. I look too good to just go home.
Instantly text everyone in your squad. That hair wants to go places and be seen.