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Photo: Susie Malbacias
Relationships are hard. That’s why so many of them don’t work out. That doesn’t mean your relationship can’t be amazing and wonderful. But a healthy relationship takes a certain amount of vigilance and attention. The following rules aren’t set in stone, and they’re by no means complete, but they are mine. And I find that they help keep me on track.
- Don’t talk about past relationships. The past is dead. It has no bearing on what you are doing now.
- Don’t speak poorly of yourself. Ever. You just might convince her you’re not worth dating. (And she can use that as ammunition against you in an argument, trust me).
- Have confidence that you’re a catch. But espouse those virtues–integrity, honesty, confidence, strength, compassion, kindness–that make you that catch. And don’t be an egotistical asshole.
- Treat her with respect and expect the same in return.
- Be honest even if it’s hard.
- Learn to compromise even if you think she’s wrong and try to put her needs first. If she does the same for you, you’re definitely onto something.
- Show up to support her in ways you never imagined you could.
- Extend yourself emotionally in ways you never knew you could, and that exceed your comfort level.
- Feel your feelings and express them in a way that’s not angry or victimized.
- Most of all, love her through better or worse because life isn’t perfect and neither is either one of you.