I’ve been hovering on the edge of an epiphany for a year now, I suppose. And here I am. I’ve been thinking it through and am finally able to articulate it. At least as far as my mind can make sense of it, motor around, sift through the connections.

When I began practicing, broken heart tugging at my throat, constricting my breathing, I was so, so tight in my right side body: less open in my right shoulder, less open in my right hip, less open in my right hamstring and calf. Now, three years later, a lot has changed in my life and in my practice. Three years ago, and all those preceding, for that matter, I focused most on relationships, on being a loving person, on fostering considerate and compassionate ties. Then, I got a new job, the career, for the most part, that I set out toward many years earlier, and I started to notice in yoga that the right side of my body was generally loosening up and gaining strength.

By http://theholisticcare.com [CC-BY-3.0 (www.creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Parivrtta Parsvakonasan

And, now, I find the opposite of how I started to be true. Mostly, that is. My left shoulder and left front body, where my heart is, still remains more open, almost ridiculously so. I am able to twist my entire left shoulder open in a full arm bind in Parivrtta Parsvakonasana REVOLVED EXTENDED SIDE ANGLE on the right side and expose my heart nearly to the sky. My left leg, on the other hand, and left hip and left side body have been a bit of a beast, for the entire last year, really. Why the switch? What happened? How have I changed, without really even knowing I changed until just now?

These opposing energies, or complementary forces, rather?—are mine becoming more balanced, are they uniting? Finding symmetry—the notion, the concept, the operation—I’ve been observing it with curiosity and am now officially embracing it.

Masculinity (governed by the left brain and right side of the body) is about strength, expressiveness of thought, but also pushing, pushing through, to a fault, undeniably—the sun, Shiva: form of the universe—linear, logic, rationality—to be manifested in arm balances…hmmmm…my recent embracing of arm balances and my very, very new willingness to raise both feet off the ground in HANDSTAND. Up until this point, I have been almost entirely reluctant to try. My halfhearted attempts at HANDSTAND donkey kicks were totally laughable since day one.

Femininity (right brain, left side of the body) is about relaxing and surrendering, breath and being receptive—moon, Shakti: force of the universe—feeling, nurturing, caring. Mindfulness—to be observed by breathing deeply into the body, staying, rooting firmly in a pose. A position not easily taken.

This week and last, I’ve felt this overwhelming sense of being grounded. Maybe that’s why I’ve been trying these inverted balance poses. I feel balanced, I feel firmly rooted to the ground, yet strong in mind and body—strong enough to surrender and let go and trust my intuition. I feel dedicated to my practice, but not controlled by it. I can feel my desire to put in more effort, but not an attachment to the outcome.