LoveSmash: Flatline Relationships
During the crazy Broncos/Ravens game that sent Our Holy Team out of the Superbowl, I was working some tables at one of my jobs. Every single table or group of people was huddled together, talking about the latest game development. There was a noticeable drop in volume in the theater as soon as the game...
LoveSmash: A Love Game
I have both a joyful love and a fierce hate for video games. I take part in video games when I can, most notably the blockbuster series, Mass Effect. From game one to game three, I was hooked on the plot developments and the immense lore and universe of the series. I waited in the 0...
LoveSmash: The Friend-Zone Isn’t Real
You hear it all the time. It’s rule #1 for men who’d rather get it in than listen to your opinions on healthcare and fundamental physics: don’t get friend zoned! It’s also the first question that men (and women, but less so) have when they’d like to take things further with their platonic friend (how...
LoveSmash: I’m a Teen in Need of Date Ideas
Hello, teen. If you’re reading this, it means several things. One is that you have scored a date. Good job. Not a lot of teens score dates; most teens just score handjobs under the bleachers at a football game and a partner for the homecoming dance. So far, you are one notch above your peers....
LoveSmash: Feminism is for Sissies
I’m a firm believer that you should always do whatever you want. Don’t want to pay the bill on the date? Don’t. Want to have sex on the first date? Do it. Want to go skydiving with your boobs hanging out, so that you feel the atmosphere caress your beautiful appendages? Dive the shit out...
LoveSmash: TANSTAAFLove
From expensive wines to movie tickets and pop tarts (because popcorn is for grown ups), the cost of dates involves not only tickets and food, it involves the gas money to get there, the time off from work you could have made instead of going on the date, and even the occasional bet about how...
LoveSmash: Terms of Agreement
The mark of a good relationship isn’t a marriage or engagement. In fact, marriage isn’t even that cool if you think about it. Once you get past the initial wave of enjoyment of the second toaster oven you got as a wedding present, the benefits are really just tax breaks and the hilarious premise that...
Are you Jelly?
Conventional wisdom says that jealousy is a negative feeling that stems from insecurity. I say that’s a huge generalization, and that jealousy, like all feelings, is both valid and necessary. The feeling of jealousy is very complex. For me, it’s always about someone else encroaching on something that’s mine. That implies possession. It implies that...
LoveSmash: Assuming Direct Control
Say you have a girlfriend and her name is Georgia. Georgia asks you to stop talking to all other females, because she’s found out you’ve been toeing the line between witticism and flirtation with one or two lady friends that you’ve known longer than you’ve known Georgia. She also asks you to give up life-expanding...
LoveSmash: Drool Intentions
One time, a guy asked me to see something at Comedy Works with him. I thought it was a group thing, but was super surprised to get a text asking what time he should pick me up. I knew he didn’t want anything besides sex, so I said no. But, what the deuce? How’d I...
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