While this post is highly controversial, and seemingly rife with stereotypes, personal dating experience as well as conferring with other women about experiences with their “maybe men” has led me to outline possible signs that your heterosexual mate could be bisexual or gay. Many men struggle with their sexuality well into their 30s and beyond. Many gay men and women have children with opposite sex partners and get married only to find themselves unhappy and uncomfortable I recently met a man at a wedding with a 13-year-old son who had been with his gay partner since his son was five years old.
A man may not confront his sexuality due to anticipated animosity from his peers, work colleagues or his family and friends. And many men live in denial for years.
8 Signs You Might be Dating a Gay Man:
#1.) Mr. Clean
While not all gay men are fastidious about cleaning their homes and their grooming habits, gay men are often very meticulous. Men who obsess about their shower rituals, shave the majority of their body hair and have a deep aversion to a messy household, might, in fact, be gay. The man I knew would chide me about my vacuum habits and was very judgmental about my kitchen dish towels being used more than once. His Sunday laundry ritual was hours and hours long and his evening bathroom routine would take at least 45 minutes and had to include: flossing, showering, shaving, brushing his teeth, face washing and a retainer. He even had moisturizing gloves to wear overnight and occasionally used a clay face mask.
#2.) Birds of a Feather
While many men have great straight and gay friends, a man who has a very close closeted or openly gay friend and spends significant time with them, might be questionable. The man I dated had a gay friend who was once of his closest buddies and would buy him extravagant presents like a 3D Blu-Ray player as well as treating to dinner appetizers and offering up his Netflix subscription. My boyfriend told me his friend liked “gifting” people and spending money on his friends. I love getting my friends gifts as well, like cookie pans, not Blu-Ray players.
#3.) Good-Bye Girlfriend
While many gay men have enduring female friendships as well as female lovers and partners, gay men have difficulty keeping up the charade. Oftentimes, gay men will have very short relationships and/or have a very “light” history of dating women. They may make “pretend efforts” to meet people to throw others off their trail, i.e. singles events, dances, cruises. Gay men will often tell the women they’re with things like, “they’re moving too fast” or make other excuses to avoid deeper commitments or attachements. They may even say hurtful things in an effort to push away the women they’re with and force their hand in ending things.
#4.) Let’s Talk About…
Straight guys typically love sex. They want to have it very regularly and enjoy it. Closeted gay men might avoid it or make excuses for not having it. They also may try kinky bedroom behavior or remain virgins.
#5.) Shop ’til You Drop
My past boyfriend loved shopping. We spent two hours at the garden store once (while he purchased plants and flowers) and just as long at Bed, Bath and Beyond (he bought $60 salt and pepper shakers). He also had long drawn out shoe shopping excursions. While many heterosexual men enjoy shopping, oftentimes, gay men spend more time looking, browsing and buying.
#6.) Family Feud
There is often an incentive for gay men to avoid addressing their sexuality. Homophobic parents, Midwest roots or male-dominated careers can keep them from embracing their true selves. Gay men often stay in the closet for fear of repercussions from their families and the community.
#7.) Dance, Dance Revolution
Many heterosexual males are excellent dancers and love to dance, but if your man pursues years of Zumba classes as well as swing classes, and is the first to bust out Britney or Michael moves, it might be a sign.
#8.) Study Habits
Gay men who are in the closet will find ways to feign their straight status. They may have many books on pleasing women, sex and love. Straight men will watch pornos to get their intel, while gay men will seek out ways to understand how to negotiate female needs so the cover-up continues.