What’s the big deal with yogurt these days (Seinfeld voice)? What was once a small, timid section in the dairy aisle is now a loud, boisterous, labyrinth (sans David Bowie) of yogurt options. What happened to the simple flavors and textures of regular ol’ yogurt?
These days, yogurt comes in many different varieties including whipped, Greek, fat-free, light, lite, lyte, 100 calories, fruit on the bottom, fruit on the top, fruit all up in dat, fruit in a little plastic side car, granola or cookies on the top, etc., etc. How will you choose? As many choices that are available and as long as it takes a person to decide which they will appoint to be their new yogurt, you’d think people would be outside of the grocery store waiting for white smoke to appear.
When did we as a culture become so obsessed with yogurt that there is such a huge market for it now? Why is yogurt automatically associated with eating better and a healthy lifestyle? Has anyone ever said to you whilst eating yogurt in one of those snotty Dana Carvey church lady “well isn’t that special” voices: “Oh, looks like someone is eating healthy”? As if figuring out how to eat healthier wasn’t complicated enough, we are forced to believe that yogurt is an essential part of our new healthy diet and we better pick the right kind or risk looking like yogurt idiots.
Just because you add yogurt to your diet does not mean you are being healthy. The media says you are, but by now you’ve figured out that it takes a little more than the addition of one food. To add insult to injury, do we really even like yogurt that much? In my opinion, it kind of sucks — come on, someone had to say it. Does anyone ever really crave yogurt? Have you ever truly felt full after eating it? I don’t recall ever feeling that way. Craving something sweet? The chocolate, pie, and cake flavored yogurts are just teases (surprise, it’s still yogurt). Have you ever looked forward to sitting down at lunch to enjoy a nice cup of pale, slurpy yogurt? I mean, nothing says “well, this day blows, might as well make it worse” like pulling out a little cup of vanilla yogurt out of your lunch bag. Oh, what’s that? You have granola to add “for some crunch”? As if things weren’t bad enough, let’s add some boring ass granola to an already boring food.
Of course, yogurt has its health benefits (probiotics and calcium, among others), and with all of the new Greek options available, the taste is improving, but yogurt has worn out its 15 minutes of fame. Go ahead and eat some yogurt, it’s good for you when part of a balanced diet (if you’re not eating the kind with excess sugar, sweeteners, gelatin, etc.), but don’t get carried away. It’s not a miracle food. And if you have to buy the Jamie Lee Curtis yogurt, perhaps use the self-checkout, because, well, we all know why you’re buying it.
Bridget is a small town girl working her way through grad school in the big city. She likes to sit down and write jokes and occasionally stand up and tell them. She is a recently converted fitness fan who no longer feels like the awkward, out of place dude in The Black Eyed Peas when she is at the gym. Contact her at email@example.com