The answer may not be as simple as you think. More men than women cheat according to statistics, but the number of women who engage in extramarital affairs is growing rapidly.

Only ‘bad’ girls cheat, right? Our American society is so quick to condemn women who cheat on their husbands or boyfriends that it is difficult to get quantifiable data on the subject. What woman wants to admit to being a harlot, a slut, or a ‘ho’ after all? And that’s what everyone will say when they find out. Even if no one says it to your face, because of the way we’ve been socialized, the guilt alone is enough to keep a woman from admitting it to even her closest of friends.

We are always quick to judge what’s gone on in a marriage or long term committed relationship when it fails. We love to put things in tidy little boxes with labels. It is somehow comforting to our psyches. When I was going through my divorce, it was interesting how many people would ask if it was infidelity that caused the breakup. Relationships are very complicated, and so are break-ups. So what makes anyone think you can explain it in a word?  Everyone wants a simple and obvious explanation. It’s as though you have some sort of disease and they want to diagnose it quickly and specifically so they can make sure they won’t catch it.

The word ‘cheating’ itself just irritates me, quite frankly. It sounds so juvenile to me. It reminds me of something we used to say in grade school during Monopoly marathons or kickball in the recess yard. I have more of an aversion to this word than most women have to the word ‘slut’.  The truth is, the reasons why women break their vows or unspoken promise of monogamy are not that cut and dry. So let’s break it down. What constitutes cheating, really, and why does it hurt so much?

Some people think that if you flirt online, partake in ‘sexting’, or have a drink with someone of the opposite sex, it constitutes infidelity. For the sake of this article, I’m going to define an act of infidelity as actually having sex with someone else. Is the mere thought of your partner getting naked with someone else really the problem here? Even though most people get really freaked out by that, I think the issue is much deeper. Someone you love and trust did something that you never expected them to do. It comes down to someone breaking an agreement, and that’s  betrayal.

There have been many studies on the topic of infidelity. There are many articles and opinions as well. Because of the nature of the topic, it is difficult to get accurate numbers, but some recent polls show that 45-55% of women and 50-60% of men admit to having engaged in extramarital sex. With over 50% of American marriages ending in divorce, these statistics are really not all that surprising. Add to that the fact that a much higher percentage of women are in the workforce than ever before, and the internet has made it easier than ever to meet people even if you rarely leave your home office, and it all makes sense really. Smart-phones and sites like AshleyMadison.com, AffairMatch.com, and SeekingArrangement.com, just to name a few, have taken the art of ‘cheating’ to a whole new, and almost cyber-socially acceptable level. And let’s not forget Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter, which for those of us who are single have become the web’s best free hook-up sites available. The bottom line is – women want more from life these days – from their jobs to their relationships. The empowered woman of the 21st century is more independent than ever. She knows she has options and feels she deserves to be fulfilled and appreciated in her relationships. In addition, fewer women enter into marriage as virgins these days. They are quite comfortable with their sexuality and know what variety is all about. Many of them have already juggled multiple lovers simultaneously.

So how do you know if your woman has strayed, and what can you do about it? Stay tuned for part two of this article on what I’ve uncovered in interviews with women who have had affairs, and how to prevent it from happening to you.

About The Author

Relationship/Sexuality/Dating Coach
Google+

Patti Sommer is a Relationship, Dating, and Sexual Empowerment Coach. She spent the first half of her life in a committed relationship that spanned nearly two decades. After reinventing herself, Patti found life as a single woman to be both exciting and challenging. Using what she learned from her own experience and research, she empowers both men and women through her personal coaching, workshops, radio appearances, and her freelance articles. Patti uses a holistic approach toward relationships and sex, working with clients from the inside out regarding self-image, outward projection and self-healing work. You can contact Patti for more info on her services at patti@empoweredsex.com. In her spare time, Patti also performs burlesque and standup comedy.

8 Responses

  1. Barbara Garcia

    Betrayal….that is deep. I do believe I heard a proverbial hammer hit the nail, and hard! Thank you for that statement my dear. It actually freed a bit of myself. I wonder now…would the results been better/different had he asked first?

    Reply
  2. Javinno Puricelli

    Hey Patty, You and these Topics I swear..lol… Alright once again, you have given me something to sink my Teeth into, and as Promised I’ll do my best to answer the Question. However You know Me Patty, I am quite thorough! So with that said, lets go….

    WHY DO WOMEN CHEAT? Hmm well let me say this first of all Right Now! There is Only a 2% Difference between A MAN & A WOMAN and We All Know what that is.

    However, for those of you that may be slow, or otherwise lost, please take note to Exhibits P1 D**K>>>>>>>> & P2 P{{}}Y…Please Study these Symbols carefully, because I intend to use them quite often, as I attempt to break down this Cheating thing once and for all.

    LOOK! When a Man and a Woman lay down with one another, be it to make Love OR to just plain have, Full Tilt Flat Out SEX? IF IT’S GOOD?, When its over? Somebody is getting up from the experience, with some “FEELINGS” (AND THERE IS NO GETTING AROUND THAT FACT…EVER!) And more often than not, it’s usually the Woman…(Notice I Said, Usually!)…Men? Please for God’s sake TAKE NOTE!

    But be that as it may, Women Cheat to feel whole again once her Heart has been broken by a Man, of whom she’s given her body and soul to for many years, and no doubt has quite a few children by.

    LOOK! Men Cheat for Gratification Purposes Period! It’s The Sheer Satisfaction of Stuffing D**K>>>>>> To New and Refreshing P{{}}Y… Women Cheat for Validation Reasons. But Men? That can be translated into Many forms! So Men? Once Again Please Take Note! Trust and Believe, I am speaking from what I KNOW, Not from what I read in a book somewhere!

    By Nature, Most Women Don’t fool around or (CHEAT) on their Men, UNLESS she is given a Real Reason to do so. So what are the Real Reasons you ask? Well here’s a few examples for you to Digest and think over.

    1) Neglect or Abandonment….

    2) Her Man is Sticking D**K>>>>>> To Someone Other Than Her….

    3) She no longer feels Needed & or Loved by her partner, thus she is going to go look for VALIDATION else where! lol Trust me….

    4) She has a Very High Sex Drive and Her Man Isn’t Taking care of Business by Stuffing D**K>>>>>> to her P{{}}Y on a regular basis in order to keep her Satisfied… This is very import to Know and Understand for You Men of Intellect, Because you may get her by Stimulating Her mind with Intelligence, But If you’re Not Stimulating her P{{}}Y as well, by Pile Driving your D**K>>>>>> Vigorously into that whole of Pleasure? Repeatedly Punishing that Ass then turning her over to Devastate Her P{{}}Y some more, with another round of non Stop Action and Excitement that will leave her P{{}}Y in Pure Ecstasy! Then Believe me when I say this… You Will Not Keep Her Attention Long. Because Just like A Man Needs Both to be Happy? So Does a Woman!;-).

    5) She is Bored to Tears in this Mundane Existence with YOU and This Going No Where Relationship and Simply Wants Out!… And this is a sure way of making that Happen, LOOK, Woman are Attracted to Nice Things…And nowadays they have the Means and the Ability of getting those Things themselves.

    However, If She is with YOU for YOU! and you keep Fucking UP? And someone else comes along More Exiting than You, and Holding more in his pocket as well as in other areas of interest than You? And You still Don’t have your Shit together? Hemmemmm Need I say More? ( And this applies Regardless of if She has Her Own Money or Not!)

    6) She has gotten Too Excited by another man that may have crossed her path innocently, But woooed her enough, that she felt Obligated to give him some P{{}}Y for his VALIANT EFFORTS Towards Her ( 1 night stands fall here)…. Men? This one is for you idiots that think that your woman won’t Cheat on You because you think she is so innocent or a so call Good Girl…lmaoo! Oh God I’m trying to help somebody here!

    7) Simply Because SHE CAN!… and that’s VALIDATION enough. End of story!

    LOOK! Men, Please Hear Me Clearly….. That P{{}}Y is HERS! You hear me? HERS! It’s attached to her body, NOT YOURS! However should YOU be Fortunate Enough To Be Allowed To Taste The Nectar Of The gods & The Fruit Of All Human Creation On This Earth! Please take note to this Very Very Valid Point once again.

    Whenever A MAN gets involved with A WOMAN? That P{{}}Y is on Lease, with the Option to Buy…And Even if You Buy the package within its wrapping of the Woman… (through a Relationship or Marriage)… IT’S STILL NOT YOURS…lmaoooo!

    LOOK! When You View things from this Perspective and Clearly Understand Why Women Cheat…Then Maybe,….. Just Maybe, We Men can Prevent some of this Cheating that's going on from happening to us when our feelings get involved..( But Notice I said Some!)…Please keep that in mind.

    LOOK! One Thing That I Do Know Well, (Among Other Things lol) And That Is The Female Mind & That sexy Curvy Body that she walks around in!

    Butt However, I also Know and Abide by The Rules and am Disciplined enough to know what to Do and what Not to Do!

    See When You know why and What causes the Problem of Cheating to occur from a Woman’s perspective or point of view, I Strongly Believe that A Man is in A Better Position, To Handle IT Better…..

    One Last Note, Though the 7 Examples that I’ve stated above can also be applied to Men as well. This Segment is about WHY WOMEN CHEAT So I hope that I’ve given enough examples and a Clearer Understanding as to why.

    It’s just something that I’ve always kept in mind Whenever I’ve Dealt with a Woman… Because I know Plenty of them, Yet I Show Them All the Respect that they Deserve 1st and foremost! And I know for a Fact that the one’s that I Deal with, like Patty for instance, Respect me Back! And that Really is THE KEY To Any Type of Relationship… But I do know this, In most cases…(And I said Most) Once a Woman Cheats on a Man? SHE HAS LOST ALL RESPECT FOR HIM… and SHE is pretty much DONE!

    Reply
    • Chelsea Stillman

      My favorite part is when you said you speak from what you know and not from what you read in a book lol! Too many people try to find a manual for everything instead of using their own brain.

      Reply
    • Javinno Puricelli

      lol Now Chelsea?….I really Appreciate Hon and that You can Clearly see what I was trying to Relay here…I Never Take things at Face Value….And If I say anything, I will do two things!..SPEAK MY MIND!! & WHAT I SAY WILL BE ORIGINAL!!…For if one does things that way…I Believe whomever reads what you say CAN UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM A LITTLE BETTER…lol…Besides its just my thoughts and the way I feel….I I Have A Brain & I Am Going To Let You Know IT!!!…lol….be good!

      Reply
    • Chelsea Stillman

      LOL! Do I come off as someone who tends not to be? Because sometimes I'm not haha!

      Reply

Leave a Reply