I’ve done my own unscientific research, taken a few polls, and have an opinion based on my own personal experience and that of the variety of women I’ve spoken with over the years. The short answer, and one that could apply to both men and women who stray from their relationship, might be that their needs are not being met. But for women, I think it is specifically and primarily because they are not getting the appreciation, respect, attention and feedback that makes them feel desirable, special, and sexy. As we get more settled into our relationship and everyday life gets in the way, it’s easy to think that your woman should know how you feel about her or you wouldn’t have committed in the first place. But just as men are visual creatures, women are auditory. They will remember what you say, and they will make assumptions based on what you don’t say.
When a man is pursuing a woman, she feels desired, which in turn makes her feel sexy. Come on guys, you know what you do when you’re in pursuit. You let her know with your words and your actions how beautiful, hot, and sexy you think she is, and how much she turns you on. But when she’s been caught, so to speak, she still wants to hear it. I would bet that in most marriages where men complain that their wife is no longer interested in sex, or doesn’t do anything to visually stimulate them, there is also a lack of verbal appreciation and negligence on their part. A woman does not want to have to compete with your job, or your golf game, or your poker buddies, or whatever your mistress might be. Any reasonably intelligent, mature, grown-up woman understands that you both need some independence and will respect what you do for a living, but she never wants to feel like she’s at the bottom of your list. And once she starts feeling like chopped liver at home, you can bet there will be plenty of men out in the world who will see her as the juicy tenderloin she is and be ready to tell her so. And this is where the problem comes in.
The truth is, even though statistics show that men stray from monogamy more than women do, it also proves that women have a lot more opportunity. A willing male participant in the pursuit of extramarital sex is always more readily available than a female one. Sometimes a man’s insecurities about himself may keep him from complimenting his woman for fear that she may begin to believe that she can and should have more. In fact it is just the opposite. Withholding your feelings about your woman’s desirability may be the nail in the coffin that pushes her into the arms of another man. Being suspicious, jealous, and possessive is another way to push her away. Often times, those who do not trust their lover are those who cannot trust themselves. If she knows or suspects that you are having an affair, it will be that much easier to justify the opportunity if it presents itself to her.
So what do you do if you suspect that the woman you love is cheating on you? Do you REALLY want to know? That’s a personal choice. Some men can never get over the hurt of infidelity. I think for men, emotional infidelity is easier to accept than sexual infidelity. For a woman it’s the opposite. If her man has strayed, she wants to hear that it was ‘only sex’ and nothing else. If a man thinks his woman is cheating because he is not meeting her sexual needs, it may be more of a blow to his ego than he can bear. But if he realizes that she’s become intimate with someone else because of his own emotional unavailability or lack of attention, he may eventually be able to get past it, step up his game, and fight for the woman he loves. A good way to turn the ship around is to show her that you care enough to forgive her, and make an effort at winning her back.
Most men don’t want to hear this, but long-term relationships take work. Women are nurturers by nature. A woman with integrity who truly loves her man will make an effort to keep the romance alive and will reach out to him when she feels unhappy. But if it’s not reciprocated, recognized, and appreciated, she will eventually get tired of doing all the work and she’ll head for greener pastures.
How can you keep your woman from cheating? Pay attention to what she says, never take what you have for granted, and always remember those things that brought the two of you together in the first place – and most importantly, communicate! Rather than being critical or sarcastic about what is lacking in your love life, focus on the positive and express your appreciation for her assets and what is good about your relationship. Tell her she’s hot and sexy. Let her know she turns you on. If you can’t say it with words, express it with your actions. And if you are someone who knows how to say the words, be sure to back it up with your behavior.
Look at it this way, if you don’t maintain your car, after awhile it’s not going to take you where you want to go. Your relationship is no different. Your car won’t leave you, it will sit in the driveway and take the abuse, but if you’re not meeting your lover’s needs, someone else will.
There are no guarantees in life. It’s all a big crap shoot. Even if you’ve experienced betrayal before, don’t become cynical, mistrusting, and suspicious, convinced that all women are out to break your heart. Remember, it takes two to make a relationship and two to break a relationship. Get back in the game, and give it all you’ve got. Learn from the experience and think about how you can avoid the same outcome by changing your own behavior. After all, all we ever have control over is our perspective and our own actions.
Click here for part 1 of the article.
Really, You believe in what you are saying here? It's a mans fault that a women cheats and it's a mans fault that he cheats. Why would anyone want to win the heart back of a person that trusted and that person in turns shows the disrespect to the person that they had made a commitment.
If you want to be in a committed relationship. Commit. Most people are best single anyway because they read looking for someone to fill a void that they themselves lack. The term "you complete me" is the absolute worst reason to even start a relationship. You can keep telling yourself and those you advise that it isn't yours/their fault that they/you wandered that if you spouse gave you more you wouldn't have. The trick is knowing how much you need and that there are TWO people involved and you may never have you glass filled if you have no idea how large of a glass you have. Figure that out and cheating is never an issue.
You have obviously misconstrued what I’m saying – but again, our perceptions are always colored by our experience. No where in this article or part 1, did I say ‘It’s a mans fault that a woman cheats and it’s a mans fault that he cheats.’
I couldn’t agree more with your comment- ‘The term “you complete me” is the absolute worst reason to even start a relationship’. If you’ve ever read my Empowered Sex blog or been reading my column on 303 all along, you would know what my viewpoints are on monogamy & that I am upfront about it, and walk my talk. It is never about laying blame, or finding a scapegoat. It’s about accountability. This article is not about giving anyone a scapegoat or excuse for their behavior so they don’t have to be accountable. That’s not the point here.
In fact I agree w/ this statement as well-”The trick is knowing how much you need and that there are TWO people involved and you may never have you glass filled if you have no idea how large of a glass you have. Figure that out and cheating is never an issue.” The key is to know what you want and honestly communicate that from the beginning. You can do that all you want however, and if it is not heard or taken seriously, your committed relationship is not going to last.
This article was written on request for men asking why? I don’t claim that this is the case in every situation, but in my communications with intelligent, conscious, self-aware, emotionally mature women, this is what I hear over & over again.
Perhaps you should go back and read Part 1 from last week to help you put this week’s into context. Thanks for your comment.
Pretty much everything the guy just said above. Call it what you want, try to justify it how you want, but the reality is those are all just excuses to try justify it and make yourself feel better about it. In the end cheating is cheating.
For me there is a combination – lets use a traditional heterosexual relationship as an example….
~~~~~The 3D-experience as a physical being in the linear time-space continuum……..
I, a man, have a dangly thing, which, when encompassed by her (a woman(‘s), encompassing thing feels like coming (sic) home! (Well, of course – that’s the way we all entered this world, apart from Babaji and a few Annunaki…..) So, yes, actually, I don’t feel completely complete without her – and this plays out on many levels, physical and non-physical
~~~~~The Spiritual/Energetic eperience as a multi-layered time-traveller in circular/spiral non-time/space
“I” am not really “I” but a way of describing a “part” of the cosmic whole – complete in myself and yet part of that which is “smaller” and “greater” and (etc) – and so is “she”. And “I” Am “she” and “not”-“she” and any combination/variation etc
Both of “us” are utterly complete and not and all sorts of “things” which none of us have words to express.
The Joy of this incarnated experience (we are both a body and not a body) is the wonderful possibility to play within this sexual difference-same matrix – we are created as social, sexual beings to have intercourse in many different ways.
OK, so we’ve made up rules about how the PHYSICAL aspects of our intercourse should be regulated and what is appropriate and what “not appropriate” which most of us pay lip service to and then break if we think we can get away with it (childish irresponsibility or growing pains of freedom fighters?) My suggestion is to change the rules!
Anyway, if we are becoming more “as one” globally, traditional marriage won’t be any easier to uphold (tho’ I do know a few who are wonderful as married couples!!!)
And, of course, if one is in any way bisexual or transgender, then “normal monogamy” is out of the question if one wishes to express one’s gender sexually and fully!!!!
Honestly,cheating is cheating,in a relationship cheating leeds to disoder in the both man and woman’s commitment,but it’s true that it’s a man fault that a woman cheats and it’s a man fault that he cheats,because the man is alway the beginger to aproch lady or girl,patti cakes in your perceptions here is true,saying the key is to know what you want and honestly communicate that from the beginging.you can do that all you want however and if it is not heard or taken seriously,your committed relationship is not going to last,for the man not the woman.
Alright Ok I’ve read All the Arguments, and after reading and going over PART II of this Article for myself Patty; Hon, I Don’t Feel No Different than I felt last week on PART I.
However there were a few tid bits that caught my attention and as always I Must give a thorough response as if it were my Duty to do…..lol Oh Behave Patty!
In PART I …I gave ( 7 ) Explicit & Specific Reasons as to Why Women Cheat, all of which boils down to 1 Word …. “VALIDATION”…
When a Woman’s Needs are no longer being met by YOU or she feels that Someone or Something Else is getting the Time & or Attention from YOU that She Feels Should be Going to Her? Then She No longer feels Validated by YOU…
Thus When The Opportunity Arises? Cheating Will Occur Period, I Promise YOU That! IT WILL HAPPEN, it’s Just A Matter Of Time….
And Guys like Ehhhemmm….lol Will Be the Recipients of YOUR Negligence & will put a Hurting To That P{{}}Y Leaving IT Dripping with the Nectar of the gods by Stuffing D**K>>>>> To That Ass Repeatedly over & over again until She is Satisfied! Since YOU were Stupid Enough to leave that whole of Pleasure Gaping Wide Open & left Defenseless and Ripe for the Taking! lol
Again I Speak From Personal Experience and from first hand accounts. LOOK HERE, I KNOW THE RULES….Therefore I Know what the Hell I am Talking about! So I am Trying to Help YOU Out Here…IF you pay attention, YOU may learn something.
I didn’t pull this out of a hat, or nothing like that. Nor did I get it from reading a Book or from someone else’s Theories.
NOW PLEASE HEAR ME CLEARLY…I AM NOT CONDONING CHEATING BY NO MEANS AT ALL WHATSOEVER! BY A MAN OR A WOMAN! BECAUSE THE WORD ITSELF TELLS YOU THAT IT‘S WRONG & ONE SHOULDN’T BE COMMITTING SUCH FOWL ACTS TOWARDS THEIR LOVER.
HOWEVER, WHAT I AM SAYING HEREIN THIS POST IS THIS…… IF ONE CARES TO KNOW THE REAL REASONS AS TO WHY YOUR WOMAN IS CHEATING ON YOU OR HAS CHEATED ON YOU?
HERE ARE SOME FULL TILT & FLAT OUT ANSWERS & REASONS FOR WHY CHEATING OCCURS!
PERSONALLY I FEEL THAT IF A RELATIONSHIP IS NOT WORKING, FOR WHATEVER REASON….
THE TWO SHOULD JUST SPLIT AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE, RATHER THAN GO THE CHEATING ROUTE, WHY?
BECAUSE IT’S JUST EASIER TO DEAL WITH AND TO ACCEPT!
CHEATING ON THE OTHER HAND ONLY ADDS MORE PAIN & SUFFERING TO AN ALREADY SORE & HURTING WOUND, THAN IF ONE JUST CALLED IT QUITS AND MOVED ON….BUTT..lol That’s Just me…..What do I know…lol ;-).
LOOK, IF YOU care about your Woman and or Relationship and want to Avoid such Pitfalls like Her Cheating on you, Then I suggest you Study the List Below very Carefully, Because like Patty said IF YOU DON’T TAKE CARE OF YOUR CAR, IT WON’T TAKE CARE OF YOU!
AND SINCE WE MEN NAME OUR CARS AFTER WOMEN ANYWAY, I THINK THAT WAS A VERY VALID POINT…..
YOU’LL BE LEFT STRANDED ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD SAYING DAM SHE LET ME DOWN AGAIN..LOL.
BUT IF THAT CAR COULD TALK SHE WOULD TELL YOU THAT….
IF YOU DO YOUR JOB CORRECTLY AND HANDLE BUSINESS LIKE YOU SHOULD, YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME, BECAUSE I WILL KEEP YOU COVERED IN GOOD AND BAD WEATHER AND YOU’LL BE RIDING HIGH AS WE CRUISE DOWN THE HIGHWAYS OF LIFE & WE WILL ALWAYS GET HOME SAFE……BUTT IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU!…lol.
HERE’S THE LIST OF ( 7 ) REASONS I GAVE LAST WEEK ON PART I……
I STRONGLY SUGGEST THAT YOU TAKE HEED….
LOOK! Men Cheat for Gratification Purposes Period! It’s The Sheer Satisfaction of Stuffing D**K>>>>>> To New and Refreshing P{{}}Y… Women Cheat for Validation Reasons. But Men? That can be translated into Many forms! So Men? Once Again Please Take Note! Trust and Believe, I am speaking from what I KNOW, Not from what I read in a book somewhere!
By Nature, Most Women Don’t fool around or (CHEAT) on their Men, UNLESS she is given a Real Reason to do so. So what are the Real Reasons you ask? Well here’s a few examples for you to Digest and think over.
1) Neglect or Abandonment….
2) Her Man is Sticking D**K>>>>>> To Someone Other Than Her….
3) She no longer feels Needed & or Loved by her partner, thus she is going to go look for VALIDATION else where! lol Trust me….
4) She has a Very High Sex Drive and Her Man Isn’t Taking care of Business by Stuffing D**K>>>>>> to her P{{}}Y on a regular basis in order to keep her Satisfied… This is very important to Know and Understand for You Men of Intellect,
Because you may get her by Stimulating Her Mind with Intelligence, But If you’re Not Stimulating Her P{{}}Y as well, by Pile Driving your D**K>>>>>> Vigorously into that whole of Pleasure? Repeatedly Punishing that Ass then turning her over to Devastate Her P{{}}Y some more, with another round of non Stop Action and Excitement that will leave her P{{}}Y in Pure Ecstasy! Then Believe me when I say this… You Will Not Keep Her Attention Long. Because Just like A Man Needs Both to be Happy? So Does a Woman!;-).
5) She is Bored to Tears in this Mundane Existence with YOU and This Going No Where Relationship and Simply Wants Out!… And this is a sure way of making that Happen, LOOK, Woman are Attracted to Nice Things…And nowadays they have the Means and the Ability of getting those Things themselves.
However, If She is with YOU for YOU! and you keep Fucking UP? And someone else comes along More Exiting than You, and Holding more in his pocket as well as in other areas of interest than You? And You still Don’t have your Shit together? Hemmemmm Need I say More? ( And this applies Regardless of if She has Her Own Money or Not!)
6) She has gotten Too Excited by another man that may have crossed her path innocently, But woooed her enough, that she felt Obligated to give him some P{{}}Y for his VALIANT EFFORTS Towards Her ( 1 night stands fall here)…. Men? This one is for you idiots that think that your woman won’t Cheat on You because you think she is so innocent or a so call Good Girl…lmaoo! Oh God I’m trying to help somebody here!
7) Simply Because SHE CAN!… and that’s VALIDATION enough. End of story!
LOOK! Men, Please Hear Me Clearly….. That P{{}}Y is HERS! You hear me? HERS! It’s attached to her body, NOT YOURS! However should YOU be Fortunate Enough To Be Allowed To Taste The Nectar Of The gods & The Fruit Of All Human Creation On This Earth! Please take note to this Very Very Valid Point once again.
Whenever A MAN gets involved with A WOMAN? That P{{}}Y is on Lease, with the Option to Buy…And Even if You Buy the package within its wrapping of the Woman… (through a Relationship or Marriage)… IT’S STILL NOT YOURS…lmaoooo!
LOOK! When You View things from this Perspective and Clearly Understand Why Women Cheat…Then Maybe,….. Just Maybe, We Men can Prevent some of this Cheating that's going on from happening to us when our feelings get involved..( But Notice I said Some!)…Please keep that in mind. Javinno Puricelli
Elloquently put javinno…ur right on all points…lol
lol I appreciate it Jim…I am trying to Help The Males Stay on Top of things…if they only take heed…
My sister cheated because she has low self esteem and opened her legs to anyone who made her feel more desirable. As for me, well I've become a little benevolent in these past few years. Men have desired me for my physical attributes and it has become tiresome and causes a disconnect for me.
Well Chel, You know me, so it goes without saying, That You've Never had that problem outta Me….. & You never will.. and You know Why..;-)
Furthermore, Any Woman that Knows me…KNOWS…That I hold a Highest Regard for Intelligent Women…However they also Know what I like & what gets my attention Instantly!..lol.
Just came across this and had to comment. If only these people on here that follow your comments really know what you're all about and the reasons you claim to know soooooo much about cheating. Unreal…
After reading everyone's comments on this article I just want to say that my opinions & advice were not intended to condone or defend the act of betrayal, make excuses for it, nor place blame for it either. These are simply facts that I've gathered. And I will tell you that most of these facts come from talking to women who were not cheating for the thrill of it, or out of boredom, and were in fact trying very hard to make things work in their relationships. These are not women who are young & still sowing their wild oats, but women who had many years vested in a monogamous relationship with the full intent of making it work.
The bottom line is this – committed, monogamous relationships can be a real challenge in today's world. When someone does something that is considered a betrayal, and thus hurts someone they love, it is very easy to judge that person based solely on the isolated behavior. The truth is, however, that there are usually deeper reasons why someone acts out-of-character, and rather than simply condemning the action, if you really have a vested interest in either this relationship, or want to learn something from it to move forward into future relationships, one needs to look beneath the surface and examine the cause.
When a marriage fails, do a post-mortem, and find out what you could have done differently. Relationships are a wonderful growth experience, and if you know what you want in the next one, (or the current one) take a look at your own history. If one or multiple relationships ended this way for you, perhaps it's time to get honest about the choices you are making, or your own relationship behavior, in order to move on to a relationship that you find truly fulfilling.
Absolutely love this! Thanks for sharing 🙂
It's interesting to speculate on the reasons a woman (or a man) may cheat. Everyone's emotions are different but your articles have touched upon some very vaild and common characteristics for why people cheat. The bottom line, though, is that none of these "reasons" are ever a justification for infidelity and the other person is, quite simply, never to blame. Maybe I don't give my partner enough attention, compliment her enough, make her feel special, sexy, etc. If this is the case then these sound like good reasons to kick my ass to the curb. But the minute SHE makes the decision to cheat, it's over. And there may be a million "reasons" but there is no way I am at fault. I didn't hold a gun to her head and force her to make such a decision. SHE made the decision. She (or anyone else) can try to justify it however they want but it doesn't change the fact that cheating is a decision made by ONE person in the relationship (or maybe both lol but I think you get my point). Cheating causes immense emotional distress and trauma to the innocent party and it is never ever justified. If you ever feel your companion has wronged you to the extent that they deserve the emotional pain that comes from you sleeping with someone else…leave. It's really that simple.
Feel free to post your comments on the article – as there have been quite a few. Again, Dennis Phinney, as stated above, it's not an excuse, or a cop-out for not taking responsibility for your actions, but it's something we all need to do, regardless of the outcome. As the hurt party, it's easy to blame the one who has hurt us. But again, I consider any relationship to be a spiritual & emotional growth experience.
Oops, sorry, I just realized they are in the article. My bad.
The reason it's easy to blame a person that has hurt us is because it is truth. When a person chooses to inflict hurt, they are 100% responsible and thus "to blame" for the hurt they inflicted. I'm not trying to say that your article condones or excuses cheating. As I said, I think it provides some valid insight as to behaviors that might drive a partner to cheat. I just think that, ultimately, people who choose to cheat have made the wrong decision. Just leave the person. Betraying someone they claim to love makes a person a scumbag in my book…
But we're all only human aren't we? I don't disagree with you. Better to be honest and let your partner know how you're feeling. But life is complicated in this day and age. And sometimes it's not as simple as just walking away. Children, finances, feelings, etc. I think it comes back to the fact that since we live much longer than we ever have, maintaining a monogamous relationship till death do you part, is no easy task. But if you've got 10, 20, 25 years invested with someone, is it 'right' to just throw all of that away for one indiscretion? To use one decision a person makes in a lifetime of commitment to label them a 'scumbag'? Certainly, that's a personal choice, but pretty harsh and judgmental. A lot of it depends on your views on sex and monogamy, as well as a need to be 'right' or make someone else 'wrong'. But I can appreciate the varying viewpoints on this. I realize it's an emotionally charged topic.
I wonder what the viewpoints would be if I wrote this article in the same way from the perspective of why men cheat? I know that there have been a lot more men who have been forgiven for their indiscretions than women in these situations.
Not sure I agree with that but the blame game is a waste of time…we can't choose some of the things that happen but we can choose our reaction and in the end we have to take responsibility for our own dreams and happiness…everyone has their own path and I'm grateful for all the paths I've shared with others even after the fork in the road.
Women with good husbands don't cheat.
Ready, set, not popular vote:)
And men with good wives don't cheat…reality check with all due respect.
most of the women nowadays just can’t stay with only one man, and need a variety of different men to please them.
That was a well written article. Thank you
I disagree. Men nurture and communicate. The five languages of love is where the miss is. The work is if a man isn't touch based in language and a wife is he has to be trained. If a man is words based and the woman service oriented alignment in how to demonstrate needs to be expressed and accepted. What behaviors a person needs to feel safe is the issue. Many more layers on why someone is not getting their needs met and the integrity to address it exist. Cheating is weak to me. I've not faced it but when I started dating I heard stories of women leaving their children for new men, disgusting. Energy, expression, touch, all are different approaches. Finding out for both is essential.