The most ridiculous fight I ever had with a significant other was when I became furious that he wouldn’t take off a baseball cap to go to a nice dinner. I was dressed up; how could he go in looking like a schmuck? Oh, and there was the time I started fuming when an ex accidentally knocked down a glass bottle and it chipped part of my new stove. Subconsciously, he must have done it on purpose. And then, there’s the one when I got mad that he ordered meat, not fish, as his main course during a late night dinner. Hello, that’s not healthy. You name it, I’ve fought over it. You must think I am a royal bitch (the more scenarios I recall, the more I wonder). But, these arguments all stemmed from different issues altogether. Those events just happened to occur at the tipping points—you know, where it all boils over and all hell breaks loose.

We fight when we feel a loss of control. Whether someone makes us feel mad, betrayed, hurt or simply angry, we recognize this person has an effect over our moods, our being, and we lose the ability to maintain control over our emotions. It’s a pretty powerful tool those we love have over us—and sometimes, they use it wisely; other times, they use it to their advantage, or even just to get a rise out of us. C’mon, even as a kid, once you learned what buttons to press, you couldn’t help but press them.

So, how do you maintain a healthy relationship, one in which arguments don’t arise over the most insignificant of moments?

I watch some couples who appear to never argue, never even disagree, and I wonder what it’s like in their day-to-day. Sounds boring. Do they really both agree on music, movies, foods, vacation plans, sex positions? Once again, snooze. Some spice is always a necessity to balance out all the sugar.

Then again, fighting incessantly also sucks. If you find yourselves fighting over his weekly poker nights, or your unreasonable addiction to reality TV, take a step back and figure out what it is you’re actually upset about. If deeper issues ensue, maybe it’s time you talk them out. But, if the issue really stems from your annoyances with each other’s habits, just have sex or go to bed. Whose dumb advice was it to stay up and fight, anyway?

 

Vicky fills the shoes of local Carrie Bradshaw in CandiDates, a blog about her own quest to explore the intricacies of relationships. Originally from Kiev, Ukraine, she has made Denver her home and playground. A writer and copy editor for 303 Magazine by day, Vicky spends her nights pursuing her passion of ballroom dance.

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