Really, how long is long enough? I have been with my now-fiancé for a year and a half, and I have yet to allow him to enter the bathroom after I, ahem, drop the kids off at the pool, as Jessica Simpson once eloquently phrased it. And, he has to believe by now that women do not produce any foul smells from the nether region, because I have not, nor will I ever, let one out in his presence (or, there’s always the pup to blame, not that I have ever had to do so). There is just something about always appearing well-scented that I find hard to give up. Sure, some of you may be rolling your eyes: “He’s marrying you, he should know it all,” but should he? He’s seen a lot, but why should a woman take it to the limit and turn into a man? Males are gross creatures who burp, fart and scratch their twins without blinking an eye to check if someone’s looking. The least I can do is remain true to my gender: femininity comes at a price, and I am more than willing to pay. Think about it, when a woman lets herself go, a man’s eyes begin to wander—hell, their eyes wander regardless. By retaining even a tad of mystery, there shall be far less women scorned.
Stay a lady, ladies. Or, at least, run the fan and spray the Glade: he may not love you any less, but even Ms. Simpson’s marriage failed, no matter how hard she tried to convince Nick, post-gas, that “You love my stinky ass.”
Wonderfully put Vicky. I especially agree with the part that men like a mystery.
ha ha, love it. I had a friend who vehemently stuck by a theory that pretty girls don’t poop, that in a group of girls, the ugly one pooped for all the pretty ones. Now I’m pretty sure that isn’t the case, but I totally agree with your sentiment here. We guys do NOT want to believe that you go through the same waste expulsion that we celebrate so colorfully. Mystery…I’d say men, to a certain degree, hold girls on a pedestal where they are near angelic, slightly divine creatures. Girls don’t smell, unless it’s something beautiful, keep it that way fo sho.
Great blog Vic. You know that my wife is not only secret about bodily functions that may create a trace left that only the nose can detect, but will not allow anyone to leave said trace in her presence. So where as I enjoy the “mystery” I hate the fear of getting my head handed to me if something should “sneak” out so to speak.
I really hope that you idea works for your life long term. A. If you have 1 bathroom and he needs to go he needs to go regardless if you just took a poop. B. Farts usually are not something you should be holding in or making a big deal about. Yes I agree a woman should not turn into a gross burping, farting smelly person. However Life is life. There are going to be times when you are sick and throwing up and feel horrible. And if he loves you he will be holding your hair or getting you water so you don’t pass out on the floor. That should be the one person that would be there regardless. And as for the comment if you let yourself go eyes will wander. That would mean you already have an excuse if he cheats and blame yourself. Thats stupid. If he wanders it’s because he wants to. Thats it. Nobody accidently cheats on anyone DUH! You have to love yourself and be happy with the person you are and proud of who you are, then someone can really love you regardless of any flaws. Yes be a lady and carry yourself well. But your view on marriage and how you have idealized your life will probably change in 10 years.
Haaa! Just wait till you have the amazing and wonderful experience of being pregnant! Nuff said! And as for eyes wandering because you are human, and happen to pass gas… why would anyone want a Husband like that in the first place??!!