My friend made a simple observation a few days ago after taking a class at Core Power. She said to me, why do women say sorry so much in the locker room there? Hmm, good question; she’s absolutely right. I’ve noticed it myself many times before. And it bothers me. It always has. Isn’t saying you’re sorry about being empathetic, about accepting blame or feeling regretful? Yet, more than simply accepting blame, isn’t it supposed to be about acting regretful? And having to act regretful means you should have done something regretful.

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I said I was sorry!

Here it is just two days after this conversation about everyone being so apologetic in the locker room and I found myself throwing out a gentle “oop, sorry” to not one but two different women. First, I’d come in hot and bumped right into a woman heading out the door. Where I’m typically a “’scuse,” “excuse me” or “’scuse, please” type, I’m now the culprit. It was my bad after all, wasn’t it? I was moving like a frickin’ freight train, in a hurry to get changed into yoga clothes and find a spot before the start of class, when I collided into her. And, then, not one step farther into the locker room, I accidentally bumped a woman on the ass with my mat. Again, me to her: “sorry ‘bout that.”

I’ll defend my actions to the end on these two situations, though. I think both these instances are moments to show some regret. Not regretful as in repentant or remorseful necessarily, but certainly, since I made physical contact, I felt like a sorry on my part was needed. Then again, maybe I justify because now I’m guilty of the excessive apologizing?

My friend and fellow writer at 303 Magazine who also is a dedicated yogi says men do not say sorry in the locker room to indicate the desire to move past a person. So I guess it’s just us ladies? Is this a gender issue? As women, are we socialized to be apologetic? Goodness I hope not. I’m feeling like I’m on a soapbox right now and I don’t want my thoughts here to be misconstrued as feminist musings. Being a human—a woman or a man (a yogi, a mother, a father, a friend, a brilliant editor or writer, fill in a million descriptors here, whatever fits your personal journey on any given day)—isn’t it about pursuing your truth? Pause, observe. Pause, reflect. Choose, question, act, consider intent, question again, act (repeat, repeat, repeat, in any order). Simply put: are you really sorry for standing where someone else would like to now stand? It doesn’t seem, to me, that you need to be.

In my building at work, there was a woman who used to throw herself up against the wall as we traveled by each other in the hallway. Literally. She would position her body as close to the wall as she could, often slouching low and meekly whispering, “sorry” as she sort of shuffled by. Even when she clearly was there first she would apologize. Shouldn’t I have been sorry for taking the space she claimed? Ugh ah, no, I just couldn’t bring myself to say sorry for that. Sometimes, as we headed toward each other down a long hallway, with lots of time to gauge the other’s approach, I could see her bracing herself to concede. Maybe because she is rather petite she felt the need to duck under others? Certainly not because she is a woman?

I have taught myself to say “excuse me” when I pass/squeeze/walk/ride my bike by someone. And it does bother me when that someone answers, “sorry.” Don’t be sorry, there’s just no reason for it. Be sorry if you clotheslined me off my bike or if you gave my heel a flat tire and so I tripped over my own feet as I stepped past. I think about this and I know I am a person who willingly shares space; I’m a person practicing openness, practicing mindfulness in order to be the best that I can. I would never harm a petite work colleague because she, too, would like to move through the same hallway as I…