Matthew Launder

Let me pose a question, guys: While I know that we all have our own preferences regarding significant others, how different are we really? My wonderful girlfriend, Courtney, and I are closing in on 9 months in our relationship. It’s not a marathon yet, but it’s definitely more than a sprint. We’ve shown one another that we’re committed and serious, but at this point in our very early twenties, neither is ready for that tether-ring yet. So what is the key to happiness? How much of yourself do you need to give up? Should you have to at all? Is it hopeless to hold out for a non-existent fairytale love? Ladies, is it hopeless for you too?

Unfortunately, I find too often that men will settle for someone who they merely find physically attractive. And that’s a compliment to you. Honestly, ladies, you’re beautiful. But when it comes to hanging out or spending time with one another outside of the bedroom, couples wonder why they fight and don’t get along. Rather than getting to know one another and test the waters a bit, you jumped blindly into the sack and rolled over five years later, wondering why you are with someone who won’t listen to you and just put the seat down or give you 30 seconds of attention during the game—unless you have beer and snacks, of course.

And fellas, can I get an “Amen!” for wanting to be able to fart out loud in the comfort of our own homes without grossing our girlfriends out? It doesn’t matter how many body washes, soaps, perfumes and lotions you ladies cover yourselves up with, we know you fart. Now wrap up the What Not to Wear and Extreme Makeover and let’s be early to dinner for once.

Thank God, Courtney and I are mutually censor-free when it comes to fart production. And herein lies my first example of an obstacle overcome by sacrifice. Did she agree to not feel embarrassed and allow her delicate self to poufé in my presence? Or was she already like that? Did I have to accept that my girlfriend sometimes made the air smell bad? Yeah, I did. Was it hard? It absolutely was not. I’ll tell you the definition of happiness in this situation, and you make your own assessment. A couple is sitting on the same couch watching TV. The man raises a buttock and lets a cheek-sneak go. Happiness is not yelling “ew” and running away. Happiness is leaning over and fist bumping him, then grabbing the remote and changing the channel back to SportsCenter.

Getting what you want only works when you can sacrifice certain things. And if you find a good person, they will do the same for you. Sometimes being in a relationship is like a basketball game. If you’re lucky enough to actually like your boyfriend or girlfriend, a relationship can be like sitting courtside. It’s exciting and fun and energetic. But unlike the safe nosebleeds, there’s the possibility of getting an elbow in the face from a giant. But instead of crying and leaving the game, accept that it is just a game and that things happen. Because no matter how much we want things to change in life, the game will always feel like it’s over too soon and we didn’t enjoy it enough.

Have no fear, ladies. I know I spent this week’s Sitting Courtside doing a little one-sided bashing about farts and the sports comparison at the end there, but fear not. Next week, I’m going to share my Saturday spent with Courtney at Ulta, Bath & Body Works and Victoria’s Secret.

 

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